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Andrew Auernheimer
Oðinnsson. Market abuser. Internationally notorious computer criminal.
A personal appeal to @arrington

I'm federally indicted. Because I told my attorney, the fabulous Tor Ekeland, that I would no longer make comments on the circumstances of the case, I will only quote something I've already said in this Youtube video:
"It was June of 2010-- there was a public AT&T webserver ... No password, no firewall. It was leaking the customer records of iPad 3G users. I ensured the delivery of a sample of this data to a journalist because I feel if a big company puts you at risk, you deserve to know about it."
Shortly afterwards, you awarded us (Goatse Security) a Crunchie. It touched my heart at a time of great strife and I'm very thankful for your support. Though you bestowed great kindness upon me once, I beg it of you once more.

TechCrunch Disrupt is coming up. For a conference of people enthused about disruptive technology, my case should strike fear into their hearts. AT&T has admitted that the webserver in question was a public one. USC 1030, the statute of "unauthorized access" that I am indicted under, hinges upon the term "unauthorized".

Unauthorized is completely undefined in the law. In fact, the only sense that it seems to exist in my case is that AT&T defined what they made publicly available after the fact as unauthorized. This means that any time you click a link or visit a web form, if at any time after you do so the web operator decides they just don't like you, you're a criminal. They then can have the FBI kick in your door and throw you in solitary (as happened to me). They can also sue you-- USC 1030 is a civil as well as criminal statute.

You're all technically criminals under the law if I decide that I didn't want you reading this.

Of course, I doubt I'd find a US Attorney to indict you. This is the underlying problem in America-- there are different sets of laws for different sets of people. A well-deserved funeral dirge is being composed for the old world, but they want to get rid of everyone that dare scribe a note of it. I've scribed too many notes, and it appears my time is up.

I'm not Kim Dotcom. Nobody paid me for what I'm indicted for. I don't have a mansion and hundreds of thousands of dollars to blow on PR, development of a new business and legal expenses. When the FBI kicked in my door, I lived at the top of a run-down house with no furniture or air conditioning in the same town I was born in-- Fayetteville, Arkansas. It had broken windows and was sweltering in the Southern heat. I am now living off of charity, because my bail conditions make it impossible to be successful in my field:
  • I am not allowed to touch computers unless I submit them to the federal government for the installation of monitoring software. Of course, I am a old Linuxbeard deliverability guy and they only have monitoring software for Microsoft Windows. Oh well.

  • My employment has to be "pre-approved" by the federal court, which generally means they intimidate until an offer is rescinded.
I was never very money-motivated. I do what I do because I enjoy making great art, not because it makes money. I'm perhaps the world's most notorious Internet troll, and yet my technology is perhaps far less disruptive than much of yours. I now know that if I had been a thief I'd likely never have been charged, and if I had I'd have been able to pay for a good defense.

I am a poor country boy from Arkansas. I was born into nothing, and I had hoped to die one day with just enough to get an Airstream trailer and a Holstein cow that sat in a distant corner of my dreams. After a solid decade of federal stalking and harassment, followed by solitary confinement and beatings I have now given up hope on that.

I'd only like one thing, if you could kindly oblige. Perhaps as an exchange for the public service I provided, or at least for the laughter and joy many garnered when all the world's media from NPR to Chinese television talked about Goatse for a week. A final humble request before the anti-Constitutional terrorists we ironically call law enforcement shove me into a prison cell like they so gleefully desire.

I'd like that Crunchie statue, and a ticket to TechCrunch Disrupt.

Henceforwards yours in humble and faithful servitude,
Andrew Escher Auernheimer
ex-Analyst for Goatse Security (I looked at gaping holes all day, every day)
24 comments / leave comment
wei_honker From: wei_honker Date: July 21st, 2012 02:53 pm (UTC) (link)
Waaaa, whoa is me, I'm just a poor boy, give me stuff. STFU

Once a troll, always a troll, seriously dude, no one should feel sorry for you at all. I mean WTF did you think was going to happen?

'Unauthorized' isn't defined? What kind of brain dead thinking is that? It means you were NOT authorized, you did not have permission, no one said that you could be there. You WERE NOT authorized. pretty simple, and if that is the meat of your defense you're more delusional than I thought.

And WTF is up with this hole Mormon thing? People see you smoking and drinking at cons all the time. You are no more Mormon than I am. I don;t care how many psalms you have recited or high priests have blessed you or whatever the fuck Mormons do. I know Mormons and you are NO Mormon. Is this some sick plot to get preferential treatment in jail or something?

God Damn, you are a bigger asshole than goatse.

- Wei

Edited at 2012-07-21 03:41 pm (UTC)
wasdely From: wasdely Date: July 21st, 2012 04:50 pm (UTC) (link)
Tell us how you really feel.
weev From: weev Date: July 21st, 2012 08:44 pm (UTC) (link)
You ARE not authorized to read my Livejournal, you do not have permission, nobody said that you could be here.

This is the Internet. That what people intentionally publish on a public facing webserver is publicly accessible is an inherent quality of it. Your thoughts are an attack on the free and open Internet more dire than SOPA/PIPA.

Clearly you have a personal hatred of me. Maybe you were trolled once (likely). Attacking my faith which wasn't an element of this post was quite low. I keep the word of wisdom of Joseph Smith, and if you want to talk about it later this month in Vegas I'd be happy to (you won't find a drink or cigarette in my hand there). I want you to know that I have love for you, and fight for the common liberty of all men. Yours included.
wei_honker From: wei_honker Date: July 22nd, 2012 03:21 am (UTC) (link)
Oh, I will be at Defcon, and you know what? I'll probably be the guy buying you that beer and offering you that cigarette you are always bumming, just like I did at Summercon, and you will never know it.

The thing is Weev you went beyond simply surfing a website didn't you? You went outside the public facing part of AT&T didn't you? You went into the 'unauthorized' areas. That little bit I might be able to forgive, hey accidents happen. But you took it a step further, you purposely exploited what you found for your own personal gain. You attempted to profit off that small little web bug, you wanted AT&T to pay, didn't you?

I am sure you will deny it all, no biggy. Right up until they close that cell room door. This whole FREE WEEV thing is total bullshit. You are not Mitnick or even Mckennon you deserve whatever you get. If you get off fine, but don't sit there and cry those crocodile tears and expect others to feel sorry for your pathetic excuse of extortion or give you money for your 'legal defense fund'. You made your bed now lie in it.

- Wei
weev From: weev Date: July 22nd, 2012 06:39 am (UTC) (link)
AT&T admits in their letter, available in the techcrunch post, that no private data was accessed:
Your password, account information, the contents of your email, and any other personal information were never at risk. The hackers never had access to AT&T communications or data networks, or your iPad.
You are a terrible liar. You should have stuck to making false claims which weren't falsifiable.

Despite your personal vendetta and libels against me, I pray for your salvation.
weev From: weev Date: July 22nd, 2012 06:45 am (UTC) (link)
Your claim that I attempted to extort anyone is vile. Extortion is a legitimate crime, and given the vendetta of the terrorist government against me, why would they bring false charges against me if I was an actual criminal? I would deserve jail if I had committed extortion.

Your blatant, repeated vindictive lies are a sign of a man without moral character. I recommend you read the testimony of Joseph Smith through which you may learn about love for your fellow man.
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 22nd, 2012 10:39 pm (UTC) (link)
i might just be the guy following you to your car in the parking-lot after the convention
weev From: weev Date: July 23rd, 2012 09:17 pm (UTC) (link)
Issuing threats to someone because you dislike what they're saying is also inappropriate. That is the FBI's method. Do you want to be like the FBI?

You, too, could use the gospel. Love thine enemies, and issue blessings upon them.
hep From: hep Date: July 22nd, 2012 12:34 am (UTC) (link)
why don't you cry more about it?
From: (Anonymous) Date: August 1st, 2012 02:10 am (UTC) (link)
"whoa is me"

"WTF is up with this hole Mormon thing?"

lol what a worthless imbecile you are. i have a son who is 8 years old and he is better at forming sentences than you are. how are you this dumb? if i were you, i would strongly consider suicide.
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 21st, 2012 06:33 pm (UTC) (link)
"Of course, I doubt I'd find a US Attorney to indict you. This is the underlying problem in America-- there are different sets of laws for different sets of people." Denounce capitalism.
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 7th, 2012 01:54 pm (UTC) (link)
“Laws: We know what they are, and what they are worth! They are spider webs for the rich and mighty, steel chains for the poor and weak, fishing nets in the hands of the government.”

skog From: skog Date: July 22nd, 2012 04:15 pm (UTC) (link)
You are truly a rare breed. I wish you luck.
vargtimmen From: vargtimmen Date: July 26th, 2012 12:24 am (UTC) (link)
weev From: weev Date: August 2nd, 2012 08:23 am (UTC) (link)
i furiously lolled irl
zopilote From: zopilote Date: July 28th, 2012 04:09 am (UTC) (link)
we shall overcome
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 31st, 2012 10:48 pm (UTC) (link)
Hi, weev. I am not a religious person but I will pray for you regardless because this once-great nation needs more people like you; honest, hardworking men with convictions and moral fiber. I look at the comments on this thread and see all these valueless pissbags insulting you, when a few years ago they were patting you on the back, and it turns my stomach to know that their kind are the majority now. Good luck with your case, weev. Stay strong and stay vigilant.
weev From: weev Date: August 2nd, 2012 08:24 am (UTC) (link)
love on you, seriously
From: (Anonymous) Date: August 15th, 2012 12:07 am (UTC) (link)
good luck weev
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 16th, 2012 12:52 am (UTC) (link)
you're the best fat whore ever
Negi Springfield From: Negi Springfield Date: August 31st, 2012 03:48 am (UTC) (link)
I was going to wish you a happy birthday but now that I'm nearly in tears since this shit is so messed up.

I want to hear something good, if there is something good that can come out of this. If and when I get a job, I'll send you some money and as much as I can send you or donate. This isn't right at all. I mean, I just want it all to come to some kind of conclusion. I want some closure for this. I'm sorry I can't help you right now, but I'll make it up to you as best I can when I can. Stay strong man. I hope your faith in Yahshuah (Jesus - please forgive me for using his Hebrew name) is for real. I know that will be a good help to you if and when you do go to prison. Please find a way to not go to prison, but if that does happen know we haven't forgotten about you man.

Best of luck and maybe we'll get to make that manga we talked about. Maybe.
weev From: weev Date: August 31st, 2012 05:33 am (UTC) (link)
thanks dude. ilu
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 19th, 2012 06:45 pm (UTC) (link)
Just another anon checking in on you. Youre truly in my thoughts and prayers often. This world is in chaos. It seems like a dark cloud is cloaking society and pulling it down. I am not afraid of death but I worry about the future. I'm still working on loving my neighbor and building strong communities but damn this reality is hard. much love, friend.
From: (Anonymous) Date: November 21st, 2012 04:57 pm (UTC) (link)
When I read you used to be the former president of GNAA, I was really impressed. That's my favorite gay nigger association in all of America. If the gods do not look upon you kindly and you end up in prison, you might become quite famous as a leader of gay nigger hackers. Tell them to look beyond your skin color and see what you have inside. Sing some R&B.

It is a real injustice here, mainly because fuck AT&T and fuck the FBI and fuck unauthorized access. The 1337 should stop disclosing and just write viruses to exploit this shit to death for no money. Just to provide a fully professional service of fuck you to corporate America who can't get their shit together and secure their servers. Maybe an open source bot net that everyone can upload their zero day to and watch totally fuck everything up. What other choice do freelancers like you have? Everyone wants security, but they don't want anyone to actually find or announce any holes. Fuck you AT&T.

Weev, if I had any bitches or hos, I'd send you one. Peace. West Side East Side Upside Down Side.
24 comments / leave comment