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Andrew Auernheimer
Oðinnsson. Market abuser. Internationally notorious computer criminal.
In defense of slandered heroes, part 1
Sometimes a leader comes around who does so much for the common man that the media has no choice but to crucify him in history. Few today dare consider running against the tide of the New World Order. There is one leader of history of which the slander to his name propagated so thoroughly into public perception that it makes it difficult to make allegorical comparisons to some of the most important events in history.


Nero was a real man. A shrewd tactician that knew how to successfully use military force and successfully subjugated Armenia to Roman dominance. Though many historical accounts of Nero describe him as weak and frail, one may know merely by looking at a bust that he had a noble face from which blue eyes burned fiercely.

Nero was a visionary of Western democracy, implementing reforms that would take until the advent of the United States Constitution to appear again. To quote Tacitus, "Restrictions were also put on the powers of the aediles and a limit fixed to the amount of bail or penalty which curule and plebeian aediles could respectively exact." There's the spiritual source to the eighth amendment to the Constitution of our nation.

Quoth Suetonius, "no one who wrote a will for another should put down a legacy for himself." Nero was the first implementor of conflict of interest statutes for attorneys and a system of notaries, as it was common practice upon a rich white man's death for some Jew lawyer to come up with a fake will that left all his estate to some kike. "Clients should pay a fixed and reasonable fee for the services of their advocates, but nothing at all for benches, which were to be furnished free of charge by the public treasury." There's the right to due process and counsel, courtesy of Nero.

Faced with these reforms, the Senate subsequently demanded that patrons should have a right to gather freedmen as forced labor. "During the same time there was a discussion in the Senate on the misconduct of the freedmen class, and a strong demand was made that, as a check on the undeserving, patrons should have the right of revoking freedom." Nero's response? "The emperor replied to the Senate that, whenever freedmen were accused by their patrons, they were to investigate each case separately and not to annul any right to their common injury."

Nero literally prevented the re-enslavement of those who had earned their freedom.

The Senate continued doing skeevy shit to try to enact debts on those who had not drafted them. They made attempts to make the crimes of one apply to all who live under a given roof. "Cingonius Varro had proposed that even all the freedmen under the same roof should be transported from Italy. This the emperor forbade, as he did not wish an ancient custom, which mercy had not relaxed, to be strained with cruel rigour." Nero cut it off.

As emperor, Nero repeatedly rooted out corrupt officials, arresting many. He did something unprecedented with the first rule of government transparency in history, the likes of which are not even matched by our own government-- "Accordingly the emperor issued an edict that the regulations about every branch of the public revenue, which had hitherto been kept secret, should be published" as well as reforms which prevented the unjust levy of taxes "that claims which had been dropped should not be revived after a year; that the praetor at Rome, the propraetor or proconsul in the provinces, should give judicial precedence to all cases against the collectors." He lowered many of the taxes upon basic needs, food and housing, that were borne entirely upon the poor and working classes.

So in AD 64, Rome supposedly burned. Though a big deal is made of this now, only Tacitus, who hated Nero, wrote much about it. Tacitus had an obvious bias against Nero and took every chance he could to slander him. Nobody else even mentioned it. However, let's say, for the sake of argument, that Nero really did fiddle while the city burned. Rome at the time was filled with a bunch of parasitic, decadent aristocrats that insisted upon fraud or slavery as means by which they could earn their living. Would it not be a good thing if such men were deprived of homes and goods, or if, better yet, they were to die in the blaze? I wouldn't have just fiddled as those disgusting liberal perverts burned alive. I would have had a full bluegrass band running through the streets fiddlin', pickin' and strummin', all the while curbstomping the defects of my nation to add percussion to the ensemble. The attitude that Nero was at fault reminds me of Orange County, where families with feigned personalities ripped straight off of "The Hills" played Ponzi schemes with real estate and then cried to the state for aid when their uninsured properties burned down.

There's a reason insurance along the Santa Ana brush corridor was prohibitively expensive. You have lived a life divorced from work and reality. Take a second away from drinking and fucking to pick up a hose and defend your homes from fire, assholes. Don't expect the state to do everything for you.

What started the fire? Nobody is sure, but a later event makes me suspect arson by treasonous terrorists.

Eventually, the Jews were Nero's downfall. Long known for their parasitism, the Jews began to revolt as a result of Nero's reforms. No longer allowed to take Greeks at random to be slaves, and no longer allowed to defraud the state in secret, the Jews turned to revolt. Nero immediately began to quell the rebellion, but as he achieved success the Senate and praetorians conspired against him, forcing him to flee Rome. Nero's biggest mistake was not having the entire slavery-supporting Senate executed from the beginning. He should have killed them all and proceeded to crush Jerusalem entirely, scattering its revolting people to the winds. Failure to do so was one of the greatest mistakes in the history of Western civilization.

So next time somebody makes a point using Nero and fiddles, be sure to respond, "yeah, God bless Nero."

Next time: Nixon! The greatest leader of the Western world since Andrew Jackson.
22 comments / leave comment
manlym1k3 From: manlym1k3 Date: December 7th, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC) (link)
I was told by my Latin teacher in high school that the district that burned down was one that Nero was trying to get funding to refurbish, but the Senate kept blocking him. So he had his men burn it down so the Senate would have no choice but to let him rebuild it.
weev From: weev Date: December 7th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC) (link)
Yeah, I've heard that too. It was primarily spread by Cassius Dio, who wasn't even born until 100 years after Nero's death. Josephus' words on Nero are very applicable about that specific claim:
But I omit any further discourse about these affairs; for there have been a great many who have composed the history of Nero; some of which have departed from the truth of facts out of favor, as having received benefits from him; while others, out of hatred to him, and the great ill-will which they bare him, have so impudently raved against him with their lies, that they justly deserve to be condemned. Nor do I wonder at such as have told lies of Nero, since they have not in their writings preserved the truth of history as to those facts that were earlier than his time, even when the actors could have no way incurred their hatred, since those writers lived a long time after them.
deathcircle From: deathcircle Date: December 8th, 2009 09:30 am (UTC) (link)
From: kirix21 Date: December 8th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC) (link)
Great writeup, thanks for sharing. As for the conclusion, Nixon better than Jackson? I would like to read your rationale behind that one. :)
weev From: weev Date: December 10th, 2009 02:19 am (UTC) (link)
Nixon is the best since Jackson.

Nobody is better than Jackson. Nobody.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 17th, 2009 07:43 am (UTC) (link)

Nobody is better than Jackson?

Andrew Jackson? Trail of Tears Jackson? That Jackson? I find this hard to believe.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 18th, 2009 09:11 am (UTC) (link)

Re: Nobody is better than Jackson?

from what I remember from US history all those years ago (I was taught by a straight up Jacksonian, mind you), Andrew Jackson saw a nation of warhawks that was about to pretty much commit genocide and did the best he could to preserve an indigenous culture. also, his adopted son was a native american. it could have been far worse than the trail of tears.
From: kirix21 Date: December 19th, 2009 02:26 am (UTC) (link)

Re: Nobody is better than Jackson?

It's pretty well known that Jackson was the Chuck Norris of presidents. I live only a couple miles away from his birthhome so I am familiar with his history.

Check this Youtube link if you want to watch a documentary about him

weev From: weev Date: December 18th, 2009 09:32 am (UTC) (link)

Re: Nobody is better than Jackson?

Andrew Jackson faught a duel over his wife's honor in which he let the other guy shoot first. This alone qualifies him as the greatest warrior spirit that has ever graced us as the leader of the United States.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 19th, 2009 09:59 am (UTC) (link)

Re: Nobody is better than Jackson?

true. the media tried to defame Jackson every chance they got--especially by accusing him of intentional bigamy. also, the corrupt bargain was fucked and set an awful precedent. you've piqued my interest in Jackson. what book(s) do you recommend?
starvader From: starvader Date: December 8th, 2009 10:57 pm (UTC) (link)
I miss your sermons weev ;___;. This would have made a good one.
weev From: weev Date: December 10th, 2009 02:20 am (UTC) (link)
i've been going through a sheet of communion blotter and recharging. i'm gettin' back in the groove here. i'll probably be in sermon mode shortly.
ems33em From: ems33em Date: December 12th, 2009 12:34 am (UTC) (link)
Awesome article, I really hope you continue it as a series!
duc_bar_le_duc From: duc_bar_le_duc Date: December 12th, 2009 11:33 am (UTC) (link)
Great idea for a series, good first installment. To think my grandmother tried to convince me of this and I gave her the incredulous stare... Then again her arguments were not nearly as erudite. Thanks!
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 12th, 2009 05:26 pm (UTC) (link)
I think Nixon had the right idea, but he just wasn't very smart. He knew all about the Jews, he knew about the niggers living on welfare, he knew about the scheming commies and other radical leftists. But sometimes he seemed to blame everything on fags and dope. He was just too close-minded to see that all these immoral things like leftism, homosexuality, and drug-use are not the problem; they are the symptoms of the bigger problem (jews). I think if Nixon had enlightened himself he might have realized that he wasn't seeing the big picture. Imagine how things might have turned out if the Federal Bureau of Israel Investigation hadn't stopped Grace Slick from slipping Nixon some acid.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 13th, 2009 06:56 pm (UTC) (link)
I am ashamed to admit I know very little about Nero and the First Jewish War, other than the Temple was eventually sacked, the legend of the Masada suicides was born, and Titus brought a large candle holder back to Rome. At the risk of incurring ire for not doing the footwork, can you provide cites to back up the claims that inability on the part of the Jews to take Greeks as slaves and defraud Rome were causes for the revolt? I would assume Josephus. Or was that just a connection you made? I only ask because sometimes those with strongly held animus make claims which aren't factual, which can weaken any valid arguments they have. It would serve to discredit those valid arguments every bit as much as linking the author publicly with an infantile prank phone call maker.
weev From: weev Date: December 14th, 2009 06:21 am (UTC) (link)
of course the prohibitions on usury and slavery caused the jews to revolt. they are greedy, and it is in their scriptures to engage in such practices.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 20th, 2009 09:27 pm (UTC) (link)

usual troll is usual

I can't believe you're glorifying Nero when he went down in history as the guy who burned Rome to build his own grand palace and then blamed (and killed) the Christians (and, mind you, those were the first generation of Christians, probably those with whom you may have more in common), the guy who tried to kill his own mother three times, who eventually managed to get Seneca, the Stoic philosopher, to kill himself - basically a ruthless and power-crazed individual.

P.S. The rant above is just the common perception of Nero, but since you're so far away from reality I thought you should be reminded of this.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 26th, 2009 04:17 am (UTC) (link)
The explanation to Nero going batshit crazy in his later years is lead piping.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 26th, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC) (link)

Nixon was the Man!

Nixon was the Last Hope. He was going to put the pack of jews, commies, commie-capitalists (the best commies around), militant-faggots, bankers, masons and other NWO soldiers in their place.

Its easy for people to talk shit at Nixon, remember he was starting to figure things out BEFORE the Information Age, with no acess to books exposing the NWO/Jews/Commies for what they are and their methods of conquest, with that cleaver and sneaky Kissinger (Rasputin v2.0) using tricks to fool him, and the religious indoctrination from Churchs that FAIL to preach the Gospel like it is, this Juden-doctrines that fail to say that THE JEWS KILLED OUR LORD JESUS! Those money-changers calf-worshiping BASTARDS tortured and murdered the LORD JESUS!! Nixon was an honorable and smart man that was going to save the USA and this sick decadent Western World, you americans were responsible for letting the whole "Watergate" get into your brains.

Perhaps God will give us a last chance and send some Prophet of Nixon´s caliber...but the NWO is winning im afraid :(
weev From: weev Date: December 26th, 2009 05:56 pm (UTC) (link)

Re: Nixon was the Man!

ur a quality individual whoever you are anonymous

i like you
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 26th, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC) (link)

Re: Nixon was the Man!

what about getting rid of the gold standard
22 comments / leave comment