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Andrew Auernheimer
Oðinnsson. Market abuser. Internationally notorious computer criminal.
There's that line from that Billy Joel track that says "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints". Laughing at how fucked up things were and parodying them with varying levels of subtlety was really the only way I could deal with things. Being a dadaist was just easier than committing myself to actually fixing the problem. Today I'm not feeling like such a troll. I've just got a montage of bullet points resonating through my skull like an 808 drum line and all I know is it makes me feel like I am going to cry. Here's a sample:
  • The ever-increasing burden of the disabled through federal subsidies is creating an entire class of people that do nothing but abuse drugs and fuck because they'll never have anything better to do with their lives.
  • Pornography is degrading for all parties involved. The viewers, the actors, the production staff, and cultures that fall victim all around the world. The same can be said for advertising.
  • The public displays of sexual excess such as Pride parades, Mardi Gras and San Francisco public parks are an attack on legitimate human sexuality. I don't care what you do, but stop wearing your fucking sexuality on your sleeve.
  • The distribution of birth control to minors is absolutely repugnant. Abortion should be treated with murder charges.
  • The endless attacks on small enterprise through mandatory bureaucracy and usury will end with every industry being owned by the investment class.
  • The base assumption of central bank economics, that there will be more people to pay off the inflation debt of the future, means that our entire society is based on a Ponzi scheme that is going to end with the exhaustion of all available natural resources. Citizens of this country will be increasingly encouraged to consume their own filth.
  • Ultimately, all this excess here means that good people living simple lives elsewhere are being humiliated, tortured and robbed so that we can briefly delay hitting bottom on our downward spiral.
Democracies don't work and neither do representative Republics. Majority rule doesn't work in mental institutions. Something has to be done. I finally have realized that someone has to be in charge. Someone has to be there to say, "no, you fucking ape, you're going to act like a decent fucking human being" and possibly apply some corporal punishment to drive the point home. I'm a fascist.

I can now put the finger on exactly what has been missing from my life all this time: someone worth being inspired by. Bring me your fledgling Hitlers, your huddled Stalins, your soon-to-be Marcus Aureliuses. I'll work my whole fucking life if need be to make sure one of them throws a successful coup. Someone has to be there to keep the cattle in line, and it sure isn't me. I'm not charismatic or handsome or iron-willed enough; I'm just another dude disappointed in the direction of human civilization. So please, if you've ever thought about getting me any sort of gift, pick me up a charismatic man who is in control of himself and his environment. A dictator, a dictator, my kingdom for a dictator.
55 comments / leave comment
tcgiant From: tcgiant Date: August 12th, 2007 07:21 pm (UTC) (link)
Is it the fact that birth control is being distributed that bothers you, or that minors are putting themselves or being put in situations where birth control is necessary? Personally, I am all for the distribution of contraceptions, but it would be more wise of us to use them to eliminate characteristics that are counterproductive to our advancement as society(low intelligence, chronic illness, genetic predispositions towards violent and/or destructive behavior, etc) while taking steps to encourage the breeding of individuals who have characteristics that would produce a higher-quality breed of humans, like higher intelligence, stronger immune systems, faster muscle growth, and so on.

I was going to write another long-winded paragraph on how disabled people can still contribute to society but then I realized that you weren't talking about the ones who still earn their keep. Ah well.

I think one thing I would have added to such a list would be the incredible amounts of capital wasted on enforcing victimless crimes. Why should we waste money on people who are so weak of will that they would throw their lives away on chemical substances? Certainly education on the dangers of such behavior should be made available, but we could make much better use of the money fought "waging the war on drugs", an utter failure of a concept, improving the quality of our own lives, don't you think?
tcgiant From: tcgiant Date: August 12th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC) (link)
I'm also unsure why you feel pornography is "degrading". Could you clarify this for me?
fnord23 From: fnord23 Date: August 12th, 2007 07:50 pm (UTC) (link)
you think abortion should be a murder charge?
what the fuck? explain please?
so you think that birth control is bad(for minors at least), and abortion is bad?
i'm glad i got a tubal ligation, since my husband and i like to fuck and don't want any kids.
i've had an abortion and i feel its a very very hard choice to make, so what's your problem? unless you are just trolling, then troll away, good sir.
easyjesus From: easyjesus Date: August 12th, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC) (link)
WARNING: Side effects of ortho-tricyclin may include moral decay and damnation.
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fmephisto From: fmephisto Date: August 12th, 2007 07:59 pm (UTC) (link)
Agreed on all points.

My advice is to not get too close to things. You will get sucked in and destroyed if you try and save the day. Personally, I advocate change through apocalypse, and watch with delight the processes of our world.

As an aside, I am the co-owner of a large rock quarry/water reservoir, and when it is transmuted into a fortress city of the future you are welcome.

easyjesus From: easyjesus Date: August 12th, 2007 10:04 pm (UTC) (link)
You, sir, sound like you have been inspired by ANUS/Corrupt. Feel free to contribute to the cause.

I think our best bet for a new world leader would be someone molded from conception to be Fuhrer of the new Reich.
jadedone2many From: jadedone2many Date: August 13th, 2007 04:14 am (UTC) (link)
Must it be a male? It can't be a fascist woman?
weev From: weev Date: August 13th, 2007 04:15 am (UTC) (link)
Sure. I'm willing to accept a fascist female dictator, if she has the will and the clarity of mind to fix things.
vargtimmen From: vargtimmen Date: August 13th, 2007 04:22 am (UTC) (link)
I'm not sure how you could be a libertarian and statist simultaneously, but I'll pretend you're being serious (because some people here agree with you) and say I think most of your concerns are unfounded. The "disabled" class is inevitable as more and more grunt labor is put out of work by automation, and people will end up getting something like welfare if they don't feel like working. There will still be motivation to work because the welfare won't be very much to live on. I don't see anything wrong if people want to waste their lives, pretty much 99% of "musicians" and "artists" are wasting their lives.

The women in pornography usually don't have much character to degrade to begin with.

The 20s and the 60s were major eras of sexual liberation, but overindulgence leads to disgust and disillusionment, and it pretty much tempers itself. One would think when all the hippies reached 40 (the peak voting age, I believe) marijuana would be legalized and war would be banned, but those people mostly grew the fuck up.

What's wrong with teenage sex? If anything I think with society becoming comfier and cozier that children are staying children for far too long. As for abortion, even as a Christian you can't possibly claim a soul's life begins at conception. A soul's life begins when the physical being attached becomes mentally able to accept Jesus Christ into his heart and know what that means.

Economically I agree. Inflation, Social Security, and to a lesser extent the National Debt are a bit Ponziist.

Simple people are usually pretty happy, and if they're not then they claw their way out of simpleton life. You will never completely eliminate the class of people who don't want to think too hard or be bothered with noise and stress and ambition. All you can do is make them feel appreciated for supporting the entire infrastructure that allows you to do what you do.

Communism and Fascism can rapidly turn an agrarian society into an industrial one (Russia), a group of people who speak different languages into one homogenous whole (Russia and China), get you out of a Depression (Germany), make warring religious sects leave each other alone (Iraq), and turn your fatties into fit killing machines (Germany), but the ill-effects would outweigh the positives for America. We'd be less fat for a while (which is an epidemic exercise can't cure alone, it calls for a radical change in our food supply and dietary habits and sedentary workplaces), we might switch the metric system, and the Mexicans would be forced to speak English or exiled. But your dictator could just as well make decisions you don't like. Decisions the people don't like. And a dictator does not act alone, his strength is in the people who obey him. If you have enormously dissatisfied people then you have an ineffectual instrument for change.

I want to say it's useless to dream of this because a dictator could never take power in the US, but it's not true. If someone could just take control of the press, he could control the opinions of every moron in America.
From: (Anonymous) Date: August 13th, 2007 09:07 pm (UTC) (link)
As for abortion, even as a Christian you can't possibly claim a soul's life begins at conception. A soul's life begins when the physical being attached becomes mentally able to accept Jesus Christ into his heart and know what that means.

Maybe that is how a Baptist can justify abortion, but not all Christians are Baptists nor prescribe to this point of view.
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From: pokchu Date: August 13th, 2007 07:15 am (UTC) (link)
I pretty much agree with everything, but what about teenage girls who are raped behind Taco Bell? Shouldn't they be allowed to take the pill, since they'd most likely fuck up the child anyway if they tried to raise it?
weev From: weev Date: August 13th, 2007 07:16 am (UTC) (link)
no they should learn a valuable lesson about dressing slutty behind the neighborhood taco bell at night
gunlord From: gunlord Date: August 13th, 2007 04:48 pm (UTC) (link)
The public displays of sexual excess such as Pride parades, Mardi Gras and San Francisco public parks are an attack on legitimate human sexuality. I don't care what you do, but stop wearing your fucking sexuality on your sleeve.

IAWTC so hard
base3 From: base3 Date: August 19th, 2007 10:34 pm (UTC) (link)
is this a troll?
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 26th, 2015 06:50 am (UTC) (link)
Who decides who gets to have children? A strict set of guidelines voted for by the people? A benevolent dictator? (I doubt he/she would be seen as benevolent for long). Margaret Sanger? You? It would halve to be someone who was already perfect. Oh wait I know, we should clone jesus from the shroud of
55 comments / leave comment