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Andrew Auernheimer
Oðinnsson. Market abuser. Internationally notorious computer criminal.
Do you enjoy my work infuriating snobby SJWs, misandrous "feminists", corporate executives, and federal agents? Perhaps you appreciate the sacrifices I've made defending your liberty? Please consider sending tips to help me continue doing it. You can do this through a number of ways.

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Darren Wilson walking free is a travesty. That he is not in prison is a blow for the legitimacy of Constitutional government. However, this has absolutely nothing to do with racism. The black community has done themselves a disservice and corrupt law enforcement a huge favor by pretending it is. I was there to speak out about the injustice of the murder of Oscar Grant, and I am here to speak out about the injustice of the murder of Michael Brown. Thousands of white people opened their mouths to say those murders are unacceptable. These events are purely wrong, but please stop pretending the victim's race is the real issue.

The reality of interracial crime is that the vast majority of it is black on white. We are talking, for example, of tens of thousands of black-on-white rapes per year. Black people are murdering, raping, and stealing from whites with near impunity. Whites do not retaliate. Blacks talk of white people having it coming. Real talk: the totality of all historical black-on-white violence far exceeds that of white-on-black (the irony of the fact that both of these are dwarfed by the totality of black-on-black violence, while not as relevant to this discussion, should also be apparent). If that debt was to be repaid in blood, it has been repaid in spades. You want to pretend four hundred years of slavery is justification for violence? I am a Slav. The very word "slave" comes from the name of my race. After four thousand years of servitude you can claim your racial reparations check would be as big as mine, and yet you don't see my people asking for it. I have more important debts to be paid to me than the ones from hundreds of years ago.

Michael Brown should not have been shot, but he was no angel. He had just robbed a store. You know who was an angel? Vicki Weaver. She had committed no crime, and she was shot in the back by a non-white FBI sniper while she was holding her infant child. This, of course, was the day after she saw her 14 year old son murdered by feds. FBI Special Agent Lon Horuichi never faced any charges. This was the single most egregious act of cold-blooded law enforcement murder in the history of the United States. You know what the black community said about this? Absolutely nothing. You think black cops aren't still killing white people? Please get informed. There is racial bias in how cases of interracial violence are handled: minorities are the perpetrators of most interracial violence and still show absolutely no solidarity with white victims. Where were the riots when 76 innocent men, women, and children were murdered at Waco? Where is the minority outrage for the tens of thousands of white US citizens murdered and raped by blacks every year?

The real issue in this is that of an obvious moral hazard. Law enforcement agents have a very close relationship with prosecutors. They commit atrocities against human rights very frequently to help prosecutors build cases. Prosecutors are thus indebted to law enforcement officers. When law enforcement officers do wrong, the only people to indict them are their friends on the same side of the isle. Grand juries universally follow prosecutor desires. A prosecutor can, of course, indict a ham sandwich. I was personally kidnapped at gunpoint from my birthplace to a foreign territory regardless of the fact that I had not committed a crime, and it was treasonously unconstitutional to do that to me. A prosecutor can indict whomever he wants, and exculpatory evidence (that which can suggest a defendant's innocence) and the alleged criminal's testimony is never presented to a grand jury. I very aggressively tried to testify at my grand jury. I was denied this because it never happens, except, of course, in the case where the potential defendant is part of the law enforcement establishment. As such, law enforcement agents will never be able to be lawfully punished for their misdeeds. This is why I think men like Tim McVeigh and Andrew Stack are heroes: they are the only people to ever bring the murderous, thieving terrorists of the state to justice. I wish for their resurrection every day, but I'd actually rather see murdering cop thugs tried in a court that isn't a complete sham and humanely executed afterwards.

Now, it is obvious that Officer Wilson's testimony was not true. There has been much coverage of the fact that the police continually changed their story about the distance from which he was shot (35 feet on day two, but photographs of where the SUV and Brown's corpse showed more along the lines of 150 which was eventually admitted on TV by a STL officer). There's also the issue of the wounding pattern. Take a look at the autopsy diagram in the New York Times. See the anterior wound in the forearm? Put your finger on that spot and simply rotate your arm until that wound faces forward. That's right, put your hands up. #HandsUpDontShoot is actually for real. Even after the fact that witness testimony is normally never presented at a grand jury, normally a prosecutor with a witness on the stand would present the witness would confront him with his testimony being conflicted by a mountain of evidence. There was no such confrontation here.

I hate cops just as much as the black community. I think all cops are subhuman garbage that need to be taught a lesson. However, your insistence that they only deserve such lessons when their victims are black is playing a very old and tired race card. Nobody wants to hear it anymore. As a victim of racially motivated violence perpetrated against me by minorities I sure as hell don't. I want to see you get justice, but you are making it impossible to do so. This Thanksgiving I offer black people some advice should they actually want to see revolutionary courts give murderers in law enforcement the executions they truly deserve:

  1. Stop saying white people have violence coming to them.
  2. Stop having your commentators pretend this isn't a common sentiment amongst black people. Only the dumbest among us will believe you.
  3. Bring those among your communities who commit violence against whites to justice.
  4. Show some support for white victims of state violence, just as we white folk show support for black ones. Seriously, some marches of equivalent size for some dead white women would do a lot to endear you to the people from my hometown.

Eternally your servant in escalation of entropy and eschaton,
Andrew "weev" Auernheimer
Like most Americans, I fucking despise major communications service providers. Unlike most Americans, I have actually been maliciously placed into prison in retaliation for lawfully criticizing a major telecommunications provider too effectively. Let's place my current feelings towards the various companies in this space somewhere in the realm of a blood feud. So with all the net neutrality debates going on, people ask me why I refuse to support all the campaigning going on for it.

The answer is twofold. Firstly, the campaigns are utterly infantile and have reduced gigantic and complex issues of law and market freedoms into entirely masturbatory webcomics. Secondly, and far more importantly, the current legislative atmosphere to enforce net neutrality is entirely good for the telecommunications oligopoly.

Now, the current campaign centers around companies like Comcast having no competition and providing not enough bandwidth. People think of their negative experiences with Comcast and think that net neutrality will do something to fix this. Net neutrality in its current form will do nothing to fix this, and will actually increase the likelihood that you will never be able to do business with anyone other than Comcast ever again. Designating ISPs as common carriers legally introduces new regulatory burdens and gives the FCC veto power over pricing schemes. Nothing could be more discouraging to new investment and innovation in the sector, and doing so will ensure that Comcast never sees competition. The problem with the current system is not a lack of government. It's the government's involvement in the first place. So many local municipalities entered into agreements with various companies giving them complete control over the last mile of Internet service delivery that competition is already hampered. Comcast knows that if they lose the net neutrality debate as it stands, the temporary rise in cost will be offset by the fact that you will now remain their customer forever.

Innovation is still happening at a furious pace in bandwidth delivery. I know a company, Windy Apple Technologies, that built the lowest latency radios in the history of man. It's all in FPGA and to the limit of physics you cannot have a faster radio. They did this to shave a tiny fraction of a millisecond off of packet latencies. These radios are so good that one day they will send data through space. You cannot see a product like that and think the industry that spawned it is equivalent to power or water. The Internet is brand new and still being defined. Just because it is commonly used doesn't mean we can start pretending like it's just another utility. QoS is complex stuff. It is the hardest part of networking. Figuring out how to best divide up limited resources has always been one of the hard parts of computer science and engineering. What's disgusting is that the people arguing otherwise know better, and are just feigning ignorance for their own benefit.

Now the reason net neutrality is being presented to (rightfully furious) consumers as a solution to telecommunications company abuse is not because those consumers are being safeguarded. In fact, those consumers are not only going to get fucked once via less competition, but fucked twice due to new taxation. Netflix does not care if you are a captive customer of Comcast or not. They do not care how much you pay for your broadband. They care if they have to pay extra to deliver their content. They are not here to free you from the grip of Comcast. They are willing to subject you to Comcast eternally just so that they don't have to pay an extra nickel. The fact that they are willing to destroy the market freedoms that pushed the Internet forward until today over a bunch of TV shows makes me sick to my stomach. At this point, these debates are over which gigantic company is going to pay for a tiny bandwidth bill, and I have very little sympathy for it all.

Don't ever let anybody tell you that regulators are there to help you. They are a bunch of fucking liars.
So hacker-philanthropist Pilgrim spent a week in Uganda evaluating the charitable efficacy of Johnny Long's Hackers for Charity. The evaluation is hugely positive, and HFC is an excellent target for those of you who believe humanitarian efforts in Africa are a good philanthropic effort.

I personally could not care less about humanitarian efforts in Africa, but I still think the hacking community should heavily support Johnny's charity work. The reason for this is of strategic importance for hackers. Equatorial nations are going to skyrocket in importance with some upcoming developments in materials science. It is of the upmost importance to the community that it maintains a presence in equatorial Africa that is well-liked by the local populace, particularly in the nations of Uganda, Kenya, and Somalia.

Even if APM (atomically precise manufacturing) does not appear in our lifetimes (it almost certainly will) vapor phase deposition processes are improving to the point where soon we will be able to make carbon nanotubes of an arbitrary length. When this happens it is only a matter of time before someone uses them to connect objects in space to the Earth. This is called a space elevator. Space elevators have to be placed perfectly at the equator, or the wobble introduced from the centripetal force of the Earth's rotation will destroy whatever is at the upper end of the cable.

There are 14 countries along the equator. Some of these nations are architecturally bad choices. For example, the Maldives are coral islands and would eventually break under the stress of the pull of an elevator. Some of these nations are bad candidates for subversion. Brazil, as the Earth's 7th largest economy, is too big to sufficiently influence in our favor. It will build its own space elevator, and eventually become a global superpower as a result. Gabon has already been brought under the influence of a group of venture capitalists (given which group it is, probably for the same purpose I am thinking of here) with far more resources and political power than we will be able to muster. After examining the political and economic realities of equatorial nations, the only ones that seem reasonable for us to build influence in are the three I named above.

I have for years been speaking of the need for a hacker state. Hackers are the most persecuted people on the planet. The United Kingdom is now upping sentences for computer crime to life. Many hackers have been forced into suicide or murdered by state authorities. As the global population of hackers is really quite small, realistic estimates are that we are talking a casualty rate of 0.1%, and between two and three percent of us have been wrongfully imprisoned. If hackers were an ethnic group, the UN would be declaring a humanitarian crisis. Hackers are a nation unto themselves, and the world powers are unwilling to respect our liberties. It is time for an organized exodus to new territories.

In my private speeches on this issue I have repeatedly highlighted the importance of an equatorial location. The reason is that with the advent of APM, physical structures become merely an echo of data structures. Certain things are possible on the equator that are not possible elsewhere. Not just space elevators, but OTEC (Ocean Thermal Energy Conversion). When APM is a reality, constructing these things will be a dirt-cheap software engineering problem. The hacking community must begin placing communities in equatorial nations immediately.

Johnny Long's presence in Uganda is buying our community a lot of goodwill among the Ugandan people. His compound is located by Jinja, on the shore of Lake Victoria, meaning you can swim south from his house to get to the equator. This is an ideal strategic location for hackers to develop a presence. The other place we really need to be is in coastal Somalia, between Jamaame and Kismaayo. HFC is a charity that urgently needs a lot of assistance. Those hackers that hold jobs at major technology and financial firms should encourage their corporate entities to cut much larger checks.
Right now, I am attempting to patriate myself (and after me, my upcoming business) into a country whose laws are friendly to wrecking shit on the Internet. This raises my expenses significantly. For example, three times in the next nine months I need a direct flight for me and my woman to another nonextradition country and back while my visa situation gets taken care of. I've found that unless you have prophet-tier wasta here, business generally moves at a snail's pace. I do not have the cash for this. For these expenses I rely on tips from my readers, and every cent is critical right now.

I'd describe the rhetorical product I want to make as the Heimskringla meets Roman satire. I am firmly in line with the will of the framers. Jefferson said that the tree of liberty must be watered from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. Our framers insisted on the Second Amendment because they wanted us to drag our leaders into the streets on a cyclical basis and slaughter them like swine each and every time they got out of line. I think we have neglected this duty for too long and need to return to the will of our forefathers. We are at war. We did not start this war. We do not want this war. Yet war is upon us, and we need to fight this war by the rules of engagement highlighted by our enemies. Our enemies who killed 78 men, women, and children at Waco. Our enemies who shot a fourteen year old boy and a woman holding her infant in the back at Ruby Ridge. A van at the Murrah building did not deliver a lesson about tyranny impactful enough to the minds of federal agents. Tyranny has only grown in amplitude and frequency.

Naturally, my rhetoric is not for everyone and causes significant amounts of liberal outrage. This shows why what my words are necessary: political correctness has neutered our culture. People express hatred towards me for saying we should use force to defend ourselves from those that violate our human rights. People should be attacking our enemies who are actually out on a daily basis committing acts of murder, fraud, sabotage, and torture against citizens in every country of the world. For over a decade my goal was to create a political bloc that believes in the transformative power of bloodshed to put fear into the hearts of tyrants. This will continue to be my goal. If you don't like it eat shit for all I care, because the First Amendment, the will of my forefathers, and common sense protect everything I say.

Now, back to the reader tips which are literally critical to my continued survival. One of the services I used up until this point is Gratipay (formerly Gittip). It states that its goal is to fund a people instead of projects, which is inline with my needs. It has weekly pledges which I was hoping people would contribute via instead of single time donations. A couple were starting to trickle in (though my constituents seem to vasly prefer BTC/LTC/XRP/DOGE) and then one of the developers over at Gratipay who happens to be friends with the SJW crowd, Sean Linsey, decided he was offended by my politics and needed to be banned from the service. Log excerpts here are displayed descending by date:

After weeks of Sean Linsey urging that I be banned from Gratipay, he has his SJW friend who he follows on Twitter start a twitter campaign criticizing the service for allowing me on.

Right after these tweets, the anonymous donations that I was receiving via Gratipay suddenly stop. This was done in secret, with no notification that I would cease receiving income from Gratipay. Simultaneously, a flood of fictitious complaints resulted in the suspension of my Paypal account containing hundreds of dollars, meaning it is likely that Gratipay's employee wants to have my funds cut off universally, not just at his website.

Yesterday I e-mailed the founder of Gratipay asking him if his employee killed my donations. I have yet to receive a response. I am thankful for Gratipay's contributions to many of my friends in the free software community. I think they do great work. I just wish they'd enumerate a list of political ideologies that are not welcome to use their service, and have some sort of transparency and appeals process for behind-closed-doors politically based persecutions of those on their service.

All this highlights the rot that is destroying the West. I have never abused anyone, as Sean Linsey accuses me of by implication. I have never done anything except publicly and lawfully express my opinion, and it is one that he disagrees with, so therefore I should not be allowed to earn a living. This all underscores the problem that the SJWs present, and why they should be utterly flushed out of our society. We believe they have a right to speak, but they do not believe the same for us. The only thing they think is within our rights is torture, murder, and silencing by the government. This is why we need a day of the rope. These nanny state liberals refuse to tolerate a society where those they dislike are not completely cut out of commerce.

In the meantime, I need your help restoring my income. I've setup a Patreon: and have various cryptocurrency addresses on my profile there. If this gets killed, perhaps we need to discuss creating free speech friendly crowdfunding services.
We must differentiate between "women in tech" and women making tech. There are many self-proclaimed "women in tech". A representative member of the "women in tech" community has no useful free software contributions, a series of non-technical job roles at insignificant companies, no successful investments, no notable hacks to their name, and a very big attitude. The role of "women in tech" in our ecosystem is that they are women, and that they are in an ancillary position to people making technology. Also, they are always victims. Their stream of blogs and tweets about their daily victimhood at the hands of men is constant. I count among my circle of friends women who fled abusive arranged marriages in Islamic countries, and yet somehow their experiences as victims of a patriarchy are less defining to their character than these "women in tech".

Those are different from women making tech. Of the three best hardware hackers I know (really hard to call the absolute best in matters like these) two are women. Few in my community make science that will be cited in a hundred years. Of the two I personally know remaining that have, one is a woman. There are so many women making tech that I'd have trouble counting them all. They communicate to me that they are embarassed by "women in tech". The endless calls of feminist activists and professional victims to have gender quotas enforced has lead to the terrible side effect of people asking women making tech to be speakers and on panels related not to their achievements in research or industry, but on "women in tech". As their research is generally top-tier, I feel for them. Maybe there is some terrible male privilege. At least I've never been asked to be on a "men in tech" panel.

Yesterday Kathy Sierra (a.k.a. seriouspony), a mentally ill woman, continued to accuse me on her blog of leading some sort of harassment campaign against her by dropping her dox (information related to identify and location) on the Internet. Now there are two questions to answer about this. The most illuminating question: "is what Kathy Sierra experienced, judged by the standards applied to everyone else, any kind of harassment?" Doxing is common on the Internet. Let's take a look at other instances where people had dox dropped and take a look at the response from the "women in tech" community, as well as the liberal media.

  1. Violentacrez doxed by Adrian Chen. Nothing but praise by the liberal media, and squeals of glee and shouts of "muh soginy" from the "women in tech" crowd.

  2. CHILDREN who support #GamerGate doxed by feminist activists. Winking silence from the media, and one member of the "women in tech" crowd gleefully bragging about doxing teenagers on Twitter.

  3. Two New York Times journalists doxed Darren Wilson, the shooter of robber Michael Brown. A blogger then doxed them in retaliation.

  4. In response to the doxing and trolling of nutjob conspiracy theorist Dennis Fetcho, journalist Emmett Rensin justified it in print by saying: "A few things should be noted about Feltcho: first, he is a white man."

The message from the media and the "women in tech" is clear. Dropping dox is not just acceptable, but encouraged, as long as the person targeted is a white man with opinions they dislike. I can't believe I am the first to say this, but you can't fucking have it both ways. Attention "women in tech": not a single one of you have experienced the kind of community backlash that was meted out to say, Ryan Russell, or Dan Kaminsky. And I receive threats of violence from the social justice community on a near daily basis. Rare is the controversial public figure that doesn't. I don't sob about them in public, because hey, it's the Internet and I am not a histrionic nutjob.

Now, I believe in equal rights for women. Second wave feminism, sign me up. Tech is the most meritocratic place I have ever seen. I work with transgendered minorities. I work with people of many races. In tech nobody questions you if you are a black genderqueer midget. The only question that matters when you present research is, "can you hack?" With equal rights comes equal rigors. The "women in tech" crowd have personas that can't survive the same intense public criticism that men receive. So they demand a neutered sphere of public debate where they can denounce legitimate criticism as misogyny. Recently we got to see exactly what seriouspony's lynchmob of social justice warriors consider "harassment". We got to see what specifically drives people like her to quit social media in a tantrum. It happens to include civil disagreement, as witnessed by this Forbes reporter:

If the only input you can accept is praise and agreement, being a public figure is a bad job for you. You are more emotionally suited to a job with less emotional rigors, perhaps working with very autistic children.

Now comes the question of "did I drop Kathy Sierra's dox". I've denied it for years now, but let's go take a look at where they were dropped and not take my word for it. They were posted on a public mailing list called full-disclosure. I'm not going to link to the archives on that have the complete emails with headers because the last time I tried to present this evidence Sierra had my Twitter account suspended. Funny given that she just lied in a public statement claiming she never wrote any takedown notices to stifle criticism.

On mailing lists, you can see poster's email addresses:

Given that the person in question made his post under his real e-mail address someone immediately, inside the thread in question, takes the e-mail address, plugs it into Myspace search, and finds the poster's Myspace profile:

Internet detective 101 here. Journalists can try looking at evidence in the future, instead of trying to create celebrity targets for crucifixion. Matt Schwartz, of course, attached a number of absolutely ridiculous claims to the New York Times magazine piece where he falsely claims I made that post. Not the least of which is that I held people's kids for ransom. He has even less integrity than Stephen Glass. That he is cited authoritatively is indicative of how little the "social justice" crowd cares for truth.

We have created a culture where a "vulnerable" minority can accuse a white man of anything and he will be publicly crucified regardless of his innocence. Now white men are the vulnerable minority.

I don't think anyone in the whole technology community has not benefitted from Michael Arrington's benevolence. Yet when a lone nutjob falsely accused him of rape, his friends were nowhere to be seen. They were all so terrified of a social justice lynchmob that they remained silent. It didn't matter that all his previous relationships with women were positive, a single accusation ruined the man's life. Everyone eventually found that the accusation was false, the women was literally schizophrenic and on anti-psychotics, and the accusation was leveled in retaliation for him daring to leave her. His vindication was barely even a news story, while his lynching was front page news everywhere. Meanwhile a "vulnerable minority" in the tech industry actually commits an act of rape and gets four days in jail, with near-complete silence from the media. This is how our community works now. I don't blame Arrington for abandoning the Bay area. Those people celebrate degeneracy.

Kathy Sierra has for years acted like a toddler, throwing tantrums and making demands whenever things didn't go her way. She rejects any presentation of polite criticism or presentation of evidence as some sort of assault on her. She was the blueprint for women like Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian, who also feign victimhood for financial and social gain. Kathy Sierra is the epitome of what is wrong with my community. She had something coming to her and by the standards set by her own peers in the social justice community, there was nothing wrong with what she got.

I do not hate women. My colleagues include quite a few (cis and trans) women. I support women making tech. However, it is high time for the "women in tech" to get the fuck out.
This is a defense of the most prolific and dedicated public servant that has graced the world in my lifetime. One man has added hundreds of billions, if not trillions of dollars of value to the global economy. This man has worked tirelessly for the benefit of everyone around him. It is impossible to name a publicly traded company that has not somehow benefitted from his contributions, and many have benefitted to the tune of billions. In return for the countless billions of wealth that people made from the fruits of his labor, he was rewarded with poverty and ridicule. Now that the world is done taking from him, they are heading to the next step of villifying him as incompetent.

I speak of Richard Stallman, progenitor of the free software movement and creator of GNU (as in GNU/Linux, the most widely deployed operating system in the world, and GNU bash, the tool that has caused so much shellshock lately). He's a hero to me, and anyone that honestly evaluates the landscape of computing's history would conclude that there's few whose contributions may equal his in importance. I place only Ken, Ritchie, and Turing by his side. It is shameful that anyone need to write an essay telling people to stop bashing this man who has worked for free to provide us with some of the greatest software ever written, but I see a number of people who I normally respect defaming the man. Beyond that, irresponsible publications such as the Guardian take the chance to talk shit on Stallman and spew some anti-free software garbage. Over the past few years hating Stallman has become somewhat trendy among the Silicon Valley crowd, and every HN thread involving Stallman spews childish insults about him.

I have, for years, used bash as a central tool in my kit. I have written bash one-liners to spam millions of people with subversive messages and shift the market cap of publicly traded companies by the billions in intraday trading. Like many other GNU tools offered to us at no cost by the Free Software Foundation, I use it frequently to wonderful effect. It is more often than not the first tool I consider when confronted with a problem. It is seriously that useful.

Shellshock is not a critical failure in bash. It is a critical failure in thousands of people who knew a tool so useful that they decided to deploy it far beyond its scope. A tool so resilient that it it did not fall over when everyone deployed against best practices. Everyone knew in the nineties that when you execute a UNIX command with untrusted input, you clear away the environment variables first. Anyone that has untrusted input embedded within a shell script does not know what they are doing. The fact that there is a way to get bash to execute untrusted code is unsurprising. The thing that surprises me is the sheer number of developers who thought it would be otherwise in complete contrast to UNIX parables and common sense.

The real story here, if there is one beyond a piece of software having bugs like all software does, is the Sisyphean responsibility that was placed on one man's shoulders. The world took and took from Richard Stallman thanklessly. All the financiers and tech moguls that made hundreds of billions of dollars off of his work never once wrote him a single check to help him maintain the software their fortunes relied on. After decades of thankless service, a mob of people finally turn upon him like the jackals they are, deriding him as incompetent for a small series of bugs. Richard Stallman accomplished more than any paid developer. They also deride him as a senile fool for his eccentricities. He's always been eccentric. I've talked with him rather recently and guarantee he can code any of his pitiful critics under the fucking table. The world should have given the GNU project some money to hire developers and security auditors. Hell, it should have given Stallman a place to sleep that isn't a couch at a university. There is no fucking justice in this world.

This is a bit of theatre that has played out over and over again. Large and critical pieces of code are heavily relied on, and nobody wants to support them. OpenSSL anyone? Just as print and broadcast technologies were stolen from the people that invented them, the Internet is being hijacked by a bunch of sniveling international bankers that profit off of the effort of those before them. The brave and brilliant men and women who laboured for the Internet's creation will never see a dime for themselves or their offspring. Parasites having the nerve to insult and deride those they leeched from infuriates me.

I, unlike some people, haven't made billions from Stallman's work. That doesn't mean I won't remember what he's done, and what he continues to do for general computation and the Internet. Not a single day goes by that I will not be thankful for his work. You people are pieces of shit. I am disgusted, and you can pry my Emacs from my cold, dead NANDs.
There are a number of utilities that log packets for forensic analysis. Every person that deals with the Internet in a serious fashion has used them at one point or another. I've used packetlogs generated by tcpdump to do things as trivial as respond to fraudulent abuse reports against a virtual machine that I use a chat client from. Needless to say, packets which are the basis of a federal criminal complaint are several orders of magnitude more important than me scrolling ANSI goatse on IRC. I'd imagine that a federal investigator citing packets as a basis for a search is going to store them. I'm saying this because in the case of United States v. Ulbricht, the drug conspiracy case involving the Silk Road, many have been concerned that the search methods used were illegal. Parallel construction is a huge issue here, and it turns out packet headers are now a central issue to the case. FBI Special Agent Christopher Tarbell cites data in packet headers in a declaration sworn to the court under penalty of perjury:

"Upon examining the individual packets of data being sent back from the website, we noticed that the headers of some of the packets reflected a certain IP address not associated with any known Tor node as the source of the packets. This IP address (the “Subject IP Address”) was the only non-Tor source IP address reflected in the traffic we examined. The Subject IP Address caught our attention because, if a hidden service is properly configured to work on Tor, the source IP address of traffic sent from the hidden service should appear as the IP address of a Tor node, as opposed to the true IP address of the hidden service, which Tor is designed to conceal.
I have sat in a court and watched federal agents lie about how the Internet works multiple times. Right here Agent Tarball is claiming that he sent a GET request to a Tor hidden service and the Tor hidden service sent back a packet containing its true source address in the TCP header. This seems to me to be improbable, given how Tor and TCP work. It is very easy for a federal agent to claim something. It is several orders of magnitude more difficult to fake packetlogs of network traffic which include a protocol as complex as Tor. I think the FBI needs to release these in a timely fashion to corroborate their claims here.

The right to review evidence is pretty central to the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure. The defense needs to look over these logs very carefully. If the federal government fails to produce them, it is absolutely a matter of evidence destruction. It is the digital equivalent of the FBI destroying potential DNA evidence after running cursory lab tests upon it that are helpful to its claims, but refusing to allow a defense team to perform DNA analysis.
A lot of people asked me about prisoners to support. Barrett and Hammond are well taken care of, I know Hammond says he's full up on books. There are a lot of prisoners out there whose cases are out of the media and are long forgotten. Here's a list of political prisoners that aren't getting a lot of support and have far-off release dates (or are lifers). I've noted which ones are kept in solitary confinement, which I know from personal experience is actually torture. Seriously, send these people magazine subscriptions and books. They are in high security facilities and can only receive them directly from the vendors, so don't mail them from home. I send prisoners books every week but there's no end to the anguish I feel that I cannot help prisoners more. Please help some of these, seriously.

PO BOX 8500
Spied for Cuba. Ideology prisoner from a conflict that doesn't even have relevance anymore. Harmed nobody. Lifer. As an official "risk to the nation" he is in solitary confinement with communications management, because apparently we are worried about him sending morse code to Fidel about all the sensitive intelligence he's been gathering in a supermax.

PO BOX 8500
White nationalist. Was wrongfully convicted, but ended up killing a guard and is now a lifer. Has more time in solitary confinement than any other prisoner in the federal system. Still in solitary confinement. Will never get out of solitary confinement. Deserves medal.

Leonard Peltier 89637-132
P.O. BOX 1033
American Indian activist. Rightfully defended his race, culture, and person against federal aggression at the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation shootout. Killed two pieces of federal garbage. Deserves medal. 69 years old, release date 2040.

P.O. BOX 759
Scott robbed banks and armored cars. He did not do it out of greed, but to fund a revolutionary army. Frontman for one of my favorite bands, "Day of the Sword". Listen to their track "Big Brother" and realize he figured all this shit out before Google was even around. Deserves medal. Release date 2022.

PO BOX 8500
Didn't do anything, but went to prison because he was friends with Timothy McVeigh and the feds had to put anyone that could meaningfully speak for Timmy in prison no matter what. Lifer. In solitary confinement. If the allegations against him were true, which they aren't, he deserves a medal.

Francis Schaeffer Cox 16179-006
P.O. BOX 1000
MARION, IL 62959
Alaskan Peacemakers Militia. Feds brought multiple unlawful indictments made, by their own admission, with questionable evidence backed with no search warrant. Later was convicted on obviously manufactured evidence of conspiring to murder federal agents because they just wanted this guy gone. Release date 2033.

Yori von Kahl 04565-059
P.O. BOX 3000
Tax protestor movement. Had a "supporting role" in two shootings of feds, which is prosecutor speak for having nothing to do with it but going to prison anyways because they don't like his politics. Release date 2023.

PO BOX 8500
White nationalist. Lifer. In solitary confinement. Will never get out of solitary confinement.

PO BOX 8500
White nationalist. Lifer. In solitary confinement. Will never get out of solitary confinement.

Matthew F. Hale 15177-424
PO BOX 8500
White nationalist. In solitary confinement. Release date 2037.
This week we learned about two events of data ransom. One is in the distant (by the Internet news cycle's terms) past, and the other is quite recent. In 2007, a group of people got ahold of the private key that Nokia used to sign smartphone software, including operating system updates. Once you get ahold of the signing keys like this, it becomes pretty trivial to do something like turning every Nokia phone into a device dedicated to showing people Goatse. The fact that they had the signing key is an implicit indicator of further compromise. Once you are so deep on someone's network that you grab their signing keys, that means you popped everything else on the way there.

Nokia carefully weighed the realities of how fucked they were and what was best for their customers. They did the right thing: paid out the millions of euros that were asked of them. That was the last they heard of it. We in fact would have never even heard of this incident had Finnish police not been dumb enough to comment on it to Finnish newsmedia. Just goes to show that calling the cops will never help you in a situation like this.

Two days ago, a company called CodeSpaces was compromised to a similar degree. CodeSpaces company mission is to provide, I quote, "secure Source Code hosting and project managements". The very description of their business is security and they completely failed at it. I'm sure this level of incompetence will follow founder Floyd Price and CTO Adrian O'Conner around to future job interviews and investment proposals. CodeSpaces got owned. They were asked for a payout. They refused to comply. CodeSpaces's backups had been poisoned. They were popped end to end. Everything got deleted and there are no useful backups. CodeSpaces is no longer in business.

There's a lesson here. You need to take care of information security in advance. If you don't, and you get owned, pay the fuck up. Some people ask, "what's to stop my attackers from coming back and demanding more money later?". Firstly, think about it from the perspective of self-interest in the marketplace. This is the question everyone is asking when they are pondering paying out. Now, if you're the kind of person that makes his living from extortion you need to establish a reputation that you are going to make good on your promises. If everyone knows that they aren't actually going to get what they ask for when they pay out, they no longer have an incentive to pay. Nobody can actually identify cases of data ransom where people's businesses weren't interrupted after a payout. There is a clear reason for this: it is bad for the business of data ransom.

Secondly, think about this from the perspective of game theory. If you pay the fee, it is a cost of doing business and you have a hope of recovering from the loss with future revenues. If you don't pay the fee, you can rest assured that you will be ruined completely and there will be no possibility of recovery. There is only one avenue of action that leads to a positive result: paying up. So seriously, for the good of your business, and the good of your customers, do the right thing. Whip out your fucking checkbook when it is asked of you.
I went to prison for free speech and the right to compute. I value these rights very highly. Lately there has been a huge debate over whether selling software exploits should be somehow regulated with criminal penalties. Software exploit ethics has been a political issue I have commented on for well over a decade. I published an op-ed in Wired about it before I went to prison. I was involved in antisec from a very early stage, around 2000 (not the antisec that the FBI had Sabu create to demonize the movement, but the original pacifist nondisclosure antisec that was spawned in the late nineties). This is a core issue of my politics.

A number of organizations that should be standing up for our right to write code are instead taking a pro-regulatory stance. Chief among these is the ACLU, which has hired Chris Soghoian to run around saying that software exploit sellers are "merchants of death". Let's be explicitly clear: code is speech. Even the Supreme Court has acknowledged as such. Speech is an inalienable right endowed by my creator which the government is fundamentally tasked to protect. When Chris Soghoian calls software exploit sellers "arms dealers", he unknowingly touches on another point. If these are digital arms, we have a 2nd Amendment right to bear them. Any reasonable interpretation of the Constitution will allow all to freely author and widely distribute software exploits to pretty much anyone that can pay.

This is sad, because as a free speech activist the ACLU and I should have interests that are aligned, but now they aren't. It isn't their fault. I generally believe Chris Soghoian wants everyone to be free of government surveillance. We do not want the government using software exploits to illegally spy on us. I get that. I hate on this problem more than anything, which is why I'm starting a new hedge fund to provide software exploit authors with incentives to not sell their 0day to the government. However, Chris Soghoian is not very smart. Firstly, I can tell he has never written a software exploit. He has never spent the long hours in IDA pro or Ollydbg. Secondly, I am pretty sure he has autism. See, I run around trolling the Internet a lot. I consider myself pretty good at infuriating people on the Internet. I know when I do this I am not going to make friends. That is okay, because I do not want to make friends with some people. Chris Soghoian wanted to make friends, and is now surprised that people are spewing vitriol at him. This is because like most autistic people he lacks "theory of mind", the understanding of what kind of response one of your actions will provoke in other people. He really thought he was going to be applauded for wanting people's liberties and livelihoods taken away. Also his voice is so uppity that hearing five seconds of him talk makes people want to punch him in the face and I do not think he realizes this.

Because Chris Soghoian has never authored an exploit and probably has autism, there are a couple key points he is missing.

1) Regulating exploit sales will only reduce the government's costs when using software exploits to illegally spy on people.

There is no regulatory environment that will possibly come out of Congress that reduces the ability of the government to use software exploits. That means regulating software exploits will only remove other bidders from the market, thus driving the price of exploits down. In addition, 3rd parties will be less capable of informing themselves about new software exploit methodologies and thus less able to defend themselves from attack. Regulating software exploit sales is equivalent to making sure the government gets a key that unlocks access to every computer in the world at great discount, and nobody else will possibly have those keys and know how they work. This should be obvious to any fucking tenth grader that knows how market forces work, but of course Chris Soghoian lives in a magical autistic fairyland full of rainbows and unicorns.

Nobody in this community actually wants to sell our exploits to our oppressive and terrible government. Our oppressive and terrible government just happens to frequently pay a lot more for them, and many community members have bills to pay and kids to feed. Drafting legislation that limits the number of parties that they can sell to is making it harder for them to pay their bills and feed their kids. They will end up having to write more exploits and sell them to the government to compensate for the reduced market value of exploits in a no-bidding environment. I myself have never sold an exploit to the US government and generally tell people it is bad to do so, but I am not so clueless as to expect skilled tradesmen with mortgages and children to universally abandon their trade because they think it is ethically questionable.

Strong software exploit regulation is the best possible option for domestic surveillance capabilities, period. The ACLU now holds a position that is in support of illegal government surveillance. Great job, guys.

2) Fucking a, there are a lot of bugs. They are only worth so much money because they are artificially scarce.

When a developer sells an exploit for a bug in a given product, that isn't the only bug the developer saw. Usually you see multiple bugs, and know there are even more you didn't see. A lot of people are impressed by a 0day exploit. Chris Soghoian is certainly one of them. People that write these things are less impressed by them, because they have first-hand experience on exactly how bullshit software security actually is.

Frequently the argument gets made from Soghoian's ilk that if 0day authors are disallowed from selling their bugs they will instead report them to vendors and the software will be fixed. In reality, if everyone reported the bugs that they sold exploits for, all the products they targeted would still be incredibly vulnerable. Exploit development is hard work and people want to be compensated for it. This is a skill that takes years to hone. Telling people that they can't profit off of anymore will remove the incentive to look for bugs. There will still be exploitable holes.

Chris Soghoian operates from a fundamental misunderstanding. He views exploitable bugs as scarce things. Bugs are not scarce. They are everywhere. What is scarce is the people with the talent necessary to write exploits for them. These people are not going to stop exercising their talents lucratively just because the government says they can't. Nobody needs to live in America anymore. They can take their skills elsewhere and tell our government to eat shit. Many of them will go to Russia, too, in the event that our government attempts to regulate their activities. As we know, that's a government with a human rights and surveillance record almost as terrible as ours.

Computational rights is an important battleground in civil liberties. The ACLU is supposed to be on our side, but somehow they've ended up attacking it. I think this is because they hired up someone who has no experience in writing software vulnerabilities. Ethics in computation is an extremely nuanced issue, and requires people who have a lot of familiarity with the realities of the situation to sanely evaluate. Having Chris Soghoian try to ethically police software exploit developers is like having medical ethics overseen by someone who is not a doctor. Generally, people who do not write software exploits should defer to those who do in matters of industry ethics, just as we defer to doctors to judge what is best for the standards in hospitals. It would be best if Chris Soghoian issued a public apology for his terrible positions and promised to not defame exploit developers again.
There is a concerted effort amongst others to get me to take myself more seriously than I should. Always these people are well-meaning friends who say that they want me and my ideas to be taken seriously. Others say they want to introduce me to big money that will be more receptive to me, if only certain aspects of my character and personality can be quelled and reconciled. These people do not understand what it is I am trying to accomplish, and I sometimes even wonder if I could ever truly communicate it to them.

I make art. This is beyond some people to understand that I see federal courts, financial markets, world media, and the very act of human perception itself as the canvas of my medium. No matter what tools I have around me, I will make everything I despise look ridiculous. This is my consistent and lasting personal power. Everything that works against me looks absolutely fucking crazy and ridiculous by the time I am done with it. For example, there is a 13-year federal conspiracy dedicated to following me around and attempting to unravel my stunts before I perform them because I got too good at talking shit on the Internet. My government is hemorrhaging tax dollars because I am way too fucking funny on the Internet. And it isn't just mine! There are a few foreign ones that have become interested. This may sound ridiculous, but it is true. Continued participation in this is my way of parodying how fucking sniveling and weak the West has become that they are afraid of what a broke kid from Arkansas has to say on the Internet.

So, these well-meaning friends of mine, they want me to be taken seriously. They want me to cease saying things that upset their rich friends of theirs. I shouldn't make jokes about the Oklahoma City bombing. I should work to be more palatable to the powers that be.

Flashback to 2010. I am getting my door kicked in. I have spent days watching two things: Facebook and Twitter updates. Are you familiar with Goatse? It is a photograph of a nude man holding open his anus wide enough to stick a football inside it. You see, I had named my security consulting firm "Goatse Security", and the motto of course was "gaping holes exposed". I had released information related to the nascent iPad 3G under this banner. The last things I saw before I was swarmed with federal agents were people sobbing about having viewed goatse for the first time because they were tricked into Googling it by CNN.

This is what made me notable. I showed a significant swath of the world what it looks like inside a dude's asshole and spent the next days laughing hysterically about it on IRC until a SWAT team stormed my home. Now the world wants me to be taken seriously.

I am not notable because I was meant to be taken seriously. I am notable because this my life is a comedy show that is run on a scale that hasn't been fathomed since Shakespeare's As You Like It. I am relentless about producing this comedy show. This comedy show is so well produced that it makes Fortune 500 executives and whole swaths of the judiciary reel in shame and seethe in rage. People that want me to be taken universally seriously and stop joking around would have me robbed of my essential power. What I do is powerful because it delights some and repulses others. Stop trying to integrate me into something palatable to everyman. It isn't going to happen. They will choke trying to digest me.

Let's be absolutely clear: a revolution is here. Trolling is the Boston Tea Party of our time. We are making a point of being not only comedically offensive but politically subversive. At the core of it all, we have a profit motive of taking back what the crown has stolen from us. I invoiced the government and I intend to collect on every single satoshi, one way or another. By the time I'm done doing so they're going to be really sorry that they hadn't paid out in the first place. I and everyone on my team will be making a concerted effort to continue to be true to these sentiments in the future. I had a gun pointed in my face for these values, and I am morally obligated to embrace them even more heartily than ever before.

I had people at the Movement Electronic Music Festival walk up to me this weekend and tell me how much they laughed at my open invoice to my federal prosecutors. The techno community is full of anti-government sentiment. They laughed even harder when I said I actually intend to build a low budget monument to Timothy McVeigh somewhere in the vicinity of Oklahoma City. Because, seriously, I do. There needs to be one.

Why do we find this shit funny, you ask? Because when enemies of liberty find themselves brought to justice, you can rest assured we will be laughing. This revolution ends in the way all revolutions do.

In the meantime, we've got a whole fucking Internet to cover with dongs and swastikas, and we've got a whole world to fill with monuments to martyrs that the government dares call "terrorists". Let the ruin begin.

listening to: Death Cab for Cutie - Soul Meets Body | Powered by

To the Honorable Susan D. Wigenton, US Attorney Paul J. Fishman, Assistant US Attorney Zach Intrater, and FBI Special Agent Christian Schorle,

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?" -Shakespeare

It has long been one of the fundamental pillars of our system of law that when one commits a crime against another, they are made to give restitution to their victims.

I have, over the course of 3 years, been made the victim of a criminal conspiracy by those in the federal government. This was a conspiracy of sedition and treason, perpetrated with violence by a limited number of federal agents to deprive me of my constitutional rights to a fair trial and unlawfully put me in prison. This is not a hallucination on my part. These claims were in fact verified by the Third Circuit Court of Appeals when they vacated the false judgement against me imposed by the court of Judge Susan D. Wigenton. Perhaps you haven't read the opinion of the appeals court exposing all of you as liars and seditionists yet. If so, here you go:

On January 18th, 2011 I was kidnapped at gunpoint by the US Marshals from Fayetteville, Arkansas, the town where I was born, based off a criminal complaint based on complete falsehoods written by FBI Special Agent Christian Schorle. The complaint alleged I had broken into AT&T's servers (I hadn't, as confirmed by the appeals court which verified no evidence was presented that any of my accesses bypassed security restrictions) and that New Jersey was the jurisdiction because AT&T was headquartered there. In actuality, AT&T was headquartered at the time in Houston, Texas. This sort of blatant falsehood is verifiable by a simple Google search.

Thus I was taken from Arkansas, the nicest place I ever lived, and brought to Newark, New Jersey, a place worse than any of the many third world countries I have visited. I was held under bail conditions where the government refused to allow me to work in my industry, told me where I could live (I was not allowed to return to my birthplace of Arkansas where I lived at no expense, and instead forced to pay rent in New Jersey), and was subject to the indignity and expense of regular mandatory travel to the Newark courthouse to urinate in front of a federal employee. I was told where I could travel, and where and how I could sleep. My time and life was completely monopolized by the federal government during this period, again based off false statements from a lying piece of shit in the federal government.

I then spent a swath of the next years struggling to find an attorney because the overworked federal defender I was given told me to plea to false charges because even if I was innocent there was no way I'd win. I then struggled to get this attorney enough resources to fight the case while he was struggling to keep the lights in his office on.

Going to trial two years later, the United States Attorneys and FBI repeatedly perjured themselves in order to wrongfully convict me. FBI Special Agent Phillip Frigm claimed that the manufactured evidence was "secured" by MD5 signatures. This was factually wrong and perjurously asserted as true under oath-- MD5 signatures do not work in the manner he implied. Assistant US Attorney Michael Martinez claimed that I committed a crime because my use of the Internet was "not like going to ESPN and checking my favorite sports team's scores", and Assistant US Attorney Zach Intrater claimed that I had committed a crime because I automated web requests with a script. This, of course, ignores the fact that the vast majority of web requests are programmatic and automated-- total API requests and automated GET per year are approaching the quadrillions. Lie after lie after lie stacked up in open court on behalf of the agents of the government. If there was any integrity left in the justice system there would be special prosecutors appointed to charge you with the perjuries you committed.

Orchestrating this circus was the judge, Susan D. Wigenton, who not only ignored my constitutional right to a trial in a reasonable location but blatantly allowed manufactured evidence and perjury on the part of FBI and DOJ employees in her courtroom. The rights I have enumerated in the Constitution (and, in some cases, even The Declaration) were violated with near completion.

At sentencing, I made the following statement to Judge Wigenton:

"I don’t come here today to ask for forgiveness. I’m here to tell this court, if it has any foresight at all, that it should be thinking about what it can do to make amends to me for the harm and the violence that has been inflicted upon my life."

It is time, now that the fraud and violence committed against me has been exposed by the appeals process, to begin making amends to me for the harm her court has done.

My current market-determined hourly rate is 1 Bitcoin an hour. I was taken from my childhood home at gunpoint on January 18th, 2011, and I was not allowed to freely exercise my liberties as a citizen until April 11th, 2014. That's 1179 days that you used my time that I am now billing you for (I gave you a discount by not including the last day). I am owed 28,296 Bitcoins. I do not accept United States dollars, as it is the preferred currency of criminal organizations such as the FBI, DOJ, ATF, and Federal Reserve and I do not assist criminal racketeering enterprises.

Know that all this wealth will be directed towards a good and charitable cause. I am building a series of memorial groves for the greatest patriots of our generation: Timothy McVeigh, Andrew Stack, and Marvin Heemeyer. You see, In the "Special Housing Unit", which is Bureau of Prisons codespeak for "solitary confinement" and "torture", I had enough time to think about the current state of federal government.

The federal government has declared war on We the People. I am but the latest casualty of the unjust and seditious war being waged against honest Americans and defenders of the Constitution. At Waco the FBI directed the murder of 76 men, women, and children. At Ruby Ridge the FBI murdered both a 14-year-old boy and a woman cradling her infant child. All federal agents are, in fact, murderous thugs and seditious terrorists. Sedition is the charge for crimes which undermine the Constitution with violence. I can assure you that violence was used against me, and the Third Circuit Court of Appeals has already verified that the case against me undermined the Constitution.

28,296 Bitcoins. This is my invoice. It will only come once. As government criminality continues to be exposed on a daily basis, there is an urgent question which our government must answer: by what civil and peaceful means can those of us harmed by government perjury, fraud, and violence be compensated for the losses we have experienced? My Bitcoin address: 1JTeYcsx37XTq5NRgjepAHDqaLHTZUL88a
Now the government's answer, or lack of it, will be permanently preserved in the Bitcoin block chain as a matter of public record. PAY ME MY MONEY, YOU LYING SUBHUMAN GARBAGE. You also should resign from your posts, as you've shown yourselves to be collective disgraces to rule of law and enemies of the United States Constitution. Those of us who actually love this country should take your places.
A couple weeks ago I was at the flat of some new friends (Tomato, the vocals/drums for Sound of Urchin, and the RT network's The Resident) and I was introduced to an artist named Klaus Nomi. I love countertenor vocals, have seen Andreas Scholl and Phillippe Jaroussky live multiple times and think it is a tragedy that this style of male vocals does not make it into the pop culture mainstream. Klaus Nomi was a countertenor that broke somewhat into pop culture and somehow I'd never heard him before. He died of AIDS two years before I was born and maybe that had something to do with it. Tomato put on Nomi's "Encore" album. Midway through a song came on, and despite never having heard Nomi I began singing the lyrics in unison. The song was titled "Wayward Sisters" and begins with part of the libretto from my favorite English opera, which I know by heart: Henry Purcell's "Dido and Aeneas". After they introduced me to Nomi, I introduced them to Henry Purcell and the opera Tomato had been unknowingly listening to for three decades.

I have always been a huge fan of opera. I have seen upwards of a hundred operas. I usually went to Italian or German operas. When I got to prison I no longer had the virtue of Met subtitles so I had to start being a big consumer, for the first time of my life, of English operas. This did me a huge favor, for outside of the confines I would never have been exposed to the most subversive and brilliant opera I'd ever listened to, the opera I'm discussing in this blog entry.

Purcell's Dido is an opera all about trolling. You could make only the most minor changes in the plot to make it about trolling someone on LiveJournal using XSS exploitation. In short, Dido, the Queen of Carthage, is a lulz cow. She is a crazy, whiney bitch along the lines of old LJD classics like Mediacrat. Her boyfriend, Aeneas, had just fled the ruin of Troy. After he sails to Carthage, he finds Dido and shows her how Greeks fuck and they end up falling in love. A bunch of sorceresses get together and decide to troll Dido into committing suicide. They decide to impersonate Hermes, through the summoning of an elf through magic (but could just have easily XSS'd the blog of Hermes) to appear before Aeneas and tell him to return to Troy to rebuild it. Aeneas (clearly not checking message signatures) tells Dido of his intent to depart. She throws a fit and says she's going to kill herself. Aeneas then decides to stay but she spurns him so he leaves anyways. Dido then kills herself. The trolls won, end of story.

The musical progressions of the scenes with the witches are the kind of music one typically saw in cantatas, or works produced for religious institutions. They are downright reverent, the most cantata like part being a wonderful harpsichord piece featuring several bars where the only vocalization is an endless droning of witchcraft practitioners saying "ha ha ha". One can imagine how subversive this was in the 1680s. The opera was essentially blacklisted from polite society. The only place he could perform it was a girl's school, thus giving young girls a great example of the foolishness of falling head over heels for a dude they'd just banged and the ridiculousness of idiotic lovesickness. It never played in a proper opera house within his lifetime. Now it is considered among the greatest of English language operas.

I read in the Norton critical score version of "Dido and Aeneas" (which was a wonderful gift from world's greatest hardware hacker Fabienne Serriere I received while incarcerated at MDC Brooklyn) the repeated criticism that the antagonists didn't have a realistic motive. The only motivation presented for the sorceresses to perform these acts are the following quotes from the libretto:
"The Queen of Carthage, who we hate-- as we do all in prosp'rous state."
"Appear at my call and share in the fame of a mischief shall make all Carthage flame."
The critics at the time of Purcell and the many centuries after said it was unrealistic that anyone would attack another merely to "share in the fame of a mischief". I'm sure that everyone that is familiar with Internet culture can appreciate the foresight and unique understanding of the human character that Purcell exhibited.

Please, watch this opera. It is potentially the most insightful piece of music and theatre ever performed.
Look at the devices you have available to you and ask yourself which basic technological advancements they are built upon. Every year we get a better piece of plastic, metal and glass from China to carry around. The software that runs on this ever-improving piece of plastic is certainly better than last year's software. Something is getting better, but it is hardly revolutionary. Technological progress comes in two categories: incremental improvements and the advent of new technological primitives.

The progress that our civilization experiences now is entirely within the first category. The technological primitives your life experience relies upon are are the integrated circuit and the laser. These came about in 1958 and 1959. AJAX and web2.0 turned the web into a much more pleasant version of the green screen terminals of the 60s, and it is certainly nice having that sit in my pocket. The increase of connectivity is certainly a thing, but there is not much a shift in quality of life from people in the late 60s until now. We just have nicer software.

Contrast this from the skyrocketting of Western civilization from 1860 to 1960. In 1860 the quality and expectancy of life of men differed very little from the previous hundred years. No new hygenic technologies had appeared in the past century. There wasn't running water, or lightbulbs.

A long-lived man born in 1860 was witness to antibiotics, the automobile, radio, television, the airplane, the first satellite in orbit, the computer, the nuclear reactor, and the atom bomb.

When I look down at my Android device I just do not feel that sense of awe.

The West carried all this innovation to the world. It was a unique part of our spirit as Europeans to always seek a new frontier. The true power of the West in previous generations was that we were never satisfied with what was before us. We were better because our wanderlust and desire knew no bounds. When there was no frontier of land left, we found new ones in technology.

What I see now is that spirit caged and sedated by a single malevolent force: government.

If you have a serious staph infection in a US hospital, you might have a limb amputated. You might get extreme infusions of antibiotics until your organs fail. In Georgia (the ex-bloc Republic of Georgia, not the US state) they will custom engineer a bacteriophage specifically to eat that strain of staph. It is the best treatment available for a condition which, every year, continually becomes more problematic in US hospitals. Our prolific strains of MRSA are on the cusp of becoming vethicillin resistant, and then we are fucked. The FDA requires each new engineered bacteriophage to be put through clinical trials. You cannot get a bacteriophage treatment catered only to you in the USA. It is illegal. The best option is unavailable to us because it is against the rules.

Want to launch drones in the air, and have them speak TCAS so they won't collide with planes? Too bad, the FAA says you just can't do that. There is no licensing process. There is no way to get approval for you. Stop thinking outside the box, Western man.

Need to power a satellite with Strontium-90, so to balance out your launch costs on a 15 year timeframe of operations? HA. Good luck getting permission from the NRC to for that, buddy. Ain't happening.

I see so many engineers now working tirelessly to get the best solution for a problem and finding out that it is against the US code. That's even before ludicrious systems of civil liability (like patents) in which attorneys gleeful in their subhumanity lord over people actually trying to contribute something useful to humanity.

Me personally? I am awaiting sentencing on two five year felonies for incrementing a digit at the end of a URL on a public webserver. I am going to prison for arithmetic. Fuck this country.

Most disturbingly, even our visionaries have stopped looking forward. I see all the cyberpunk authors writing these "nowpunk" novels about people doing things on blogs. While quite enjoyable reads, I find them a sad reminder that everyone has forgotten how great our future was supposed to be. We are a people that looked at the fragile illusion of success in front of us and said, "yeah, that is good enough I suppose."

We've come to a point in our civilization where innovation is truly despised, and largely banned. You remember the conversation at the end of Brave New World where Mustapha Mond is telling Bernard, who is being exiled, that he too was almost exiled once for some scientific research and had to make a conscious choice to not innovate in a way that could be disruptive to general society? We are there. We've been there for 50 years. Wake up and rebel, you goddamned sniveling morons. We were supposed to be a better people than this.

Confronting all this, I am tearful in the manner of Moneta weeping at her father's frozen state.

Innovation, sleep on.
Me thoughtless, I canst not see thy shackles wrought of US code.
Tyranny forbids me to fan thy dying flames.
Innovation, sleep on, while at your feet, I weep.

I'll see you all in prison.
So I've repeatedly avoided making statements regarding my family, but my mother keeps commenting about me to the media. I suppose I should discuss quickly the nature and character of her comments.

My parents are perfect examples of how secular liberalism destroys families and will rot out the foundations of our very civilization.

A few years ago, I expressed a number of radical political opinions. I do not like the velocity of this country, and I committed myself to bettering it. My parents, being dyed-in-the-wool liberals, strongly disagreed with much of my politics which are rooted in the Protestant ethic and classic Western literature. I decided to spread rebellion by taking that whole "lulz" meme primetime, and I think I did a relatively good job of it especially considering the total lack of capital I had to accomplish the task. There's a lot of history there that's outside the scope of this post.

Like anyone who achieves success influencing our culture in a way the powerful disapprove of, I received some negative attention from our friendly neighborhood Secret Service and Federal Bureau of Investigation branches. They didn't know where I was living at the time, so they visited my parents.

Now here's the remarkable thing: my mother talked to them, extensively. She did everything she could to assist the feds in their investigation. When they get around to kicking my door in years later, they cited facts that they got from my parents in their search warrant.

This is the sad reality of Marxist thought. Marx said we should be a religionless, cultureless worker class where collectivism erodes family ties. My parents hold their politics so highly, that they think I should go to jail for expressing ideas they despise. My mother holds the state above the life and well being of her own son.

They were ashamed that their son could be a target of a federal investigation and disowned me. Which was simply symbolic since I lived far away and it wasn't like they had ever shelled out money for my rent. Still, it was sad to see their sense of propriety and love of liberal politics overcome their sense of love for me.

I just got my pre-sentencing report. This document determines how much time I will spend in prison. It, largely, contains chunks of text where my own mother's praise of her own parenting is encapsulated by her shit talking me. She continues, to this very day, to assist the federal government in attacking me. It further astounds me that the federal government uses her word as an authority, given that we haven't seen each other for about 8 years now. This woman has not been a witness to any of my life past the point where I got the Perl camel book, so basically the last half of it.

I do not have any animosity towards my parents. I had quite a good childhood. I look at my mother's actions today and I pity her, a brainwashed drone of a state gone mad. Who would treat their own children like this? I'll tell you who: almost everyone. Collectivist thought has injured countless families. The only strong families I meet today are through a few religions that still have a backbone, usually the LDS. I wish I could have grown up with a family as strong as those I meet in my faith.

I love my parents, and I hope they come to salvation through the ordinance of baptism. I haven't had much contact with them for the past 8 years (who in their right mind would associate with people that aid the seditious criminals of the federal government with their persecutions?) but I wish them the best. A sentiment that unfortunately, they do not return.

What I do know is that if feds ever came to my door asking for information about my children, I'd tell them to eat shit.
Oh Heavenly Father, hear my prayer.

I have, potentially, as little as 11 days outside of a prison cell. You don't walk into a federal court as a criminal defendant unprepared to go to prison. People ask me if I am enjoying these final days. I'll level with you: when you are on bail, you do not enjoy a single day. They tell you where you can live. They tell you where you can travel. They make you constantly piss in a cup. They separate you from your loved ones, and they generally make it impossible to make a decent living. This time is miserable, and I look forward to my prison cell. Still, I am endlessly thankful for the work I am able to do to set this world right in this short time on the outside.

Do not think that this sentiment is a resignation from my struggle. I am as steadfastly opposed to the federal government as I was a decade ago. I learned at a young age what should be plain as day to anyone with a brain and a newspaper. I am glad that through the Dorner tragedy, the issue of Waco is coming back into public consciousness. Federal agents claimed that they "mistakenly" started a fire at the Brand Davidian church by launching teargas grenades. Waco was my personal point of enlightenment. I was a young child, 7 or 8 at the time, but relatively astute. I knew when I saw those flames rising that our government was comprised of thugs and murderers.

Dorner exposes the Waco lie. Teargas grenades spew massive ten foot billows of solvent out as they ignite. These are devices meant to light things on fire. The only reason they even contain teargas is so cops can wink and nod and claim "we were only using teargas" and give everyone some idea that they were intending a nonlethal consequence. Even keystone San Bernadino and LA county cops know that these things are for lighting buildings on fire. What makes those cops keystone is that they were not able to lie consistently about teargas grenades. The FBI and ATF at Waco kept the party line-- they were launching teargas. The fire was accidental. The county cops were dumb enough to call them "burners" on unencrypted radio, and scream "burn the motherfucker down" on live television. The illusion has been dispelled. Beyond this, the only difference between the murder of Dorner and the Waco massacre is that the seventysome men, women and children at Waco didn't even have the illusion that they could possibly be guilty of a crime.

Cops kill us. They kill our children. They destroy our families and lives. They ruin our businesses. They get away with outright murder, to say nothing of libel, perjury and evidence manufacturing. They are a graver threat to our civil liberties than any Al Qaeda extremist. They are terrorists.

David Koresh was not a drug manufacturer, which is the lie that the ATF used to get the funds necessary to start the Waco siege. David Koresh was not a child molestor, which is what they started saying when they lit his home on fire, to try to dissuade public support for those being murdered (the "for the children" libels always come out when all the other lies fail to capture the public's belief). Those at Waco made a grave mistake: they began printing their own currency, and people around the area began to accept it parallel to dollars. Their fates were sealed, their deaths assured the minute you could buy a loaf of bread with Branch Davidian bills.

Bitcoin was wisely drafted by a group of cypherpunks under a pseudonym. If they'd slapped their real names on it, they'd be dead or in prison right now. I lost my first fortune when the federal government destroyed e-Gold, an early alternative Internet currency.

So what is to be done?

In my early adolescence I lived in the Shenendoah valley. It was a magical time, where I pillaged teenaged girls and drank my fill of everclear from runs over the border to West Virginia gas stations and snorted piles of Oxycontin that seemed as large as the mountains we drove across. My primary girl was being threatened one day on IM by a girl from our school. The underlying reason was obvious: Zoe, my girlfriend, was gorgeous and possessed of a blazing, insane sort of mountain girl intelligence. I swear, she was half bear and half cat, like the lyric of "Rocky Top". The bullying girl was fat and stupid, and had poor skin likely borne of a burdgeoning methamphetamine habit. I remember chuckling and demanding the keyboard. I did what I did best on the Internet: whip people into a blind, frothing rage. The quick and mean-tempered wit that I'm known for today didn't remotely compare to teenaged me. My tongue has gone dull over the years.

The girl showed up half an hour later at the doorstep with a bat in her hand, belligerent and seeking violence. She felt empowered with a weapon in her hands. I waited for the bat to end its first arc, and I wrested it from her grip.

We saw the confidence melt from her face. The sight was so comical, we couldn't help but burst into laughter despite her initial intent to bash our faces in with a bat. She welled up with tears and ran away. There was no need for any retaliatory violence, as laughter is the sharpest sword of the righteous.

Our current crop of "law" enforcement thugs are no different than the methed out Appalachian trailer trash that tried to beat my girlfriend with a bat. They only feel powerful because 200 of them can show up to burn a single man to death without a trial. They cannot engage in dialogue. They do not know diplomacy. They only know libel, imprisonment and murder. Their advantage is in their numbers, like any mob. If you made them resolve disputes the way our heros of early America did, "in jungere duellum", they would display their underlying cowardice. They know they do not have God on their side. Their tools are that of gangsters, and they will continue using them as long as they have badges, cars, numbers and toys of militarism.

We must, as citizens, rend their toys of militarism from them and return these tools to the people. We must force law enforcement thugs to find employment in the private sector. They must integrate with our society, learn to value our God-given liberty and become decent, productive citizens. We must train communities to be self-reliant in protection so they do not need an external authority to rule them. Right now the sociopaths at the DHS are sitting on a stockpile of enough ammunition to put a bullet in every citizen's head a hundred times over. This is unacceptable. This is genocide in the making.

Let us pray for the souls of the wicked, be they LAPD, ATF, DHS or FBI. Let us work towards a world of peace and decency instead of thuggery and violence. I will gladly go to prison in defense of our liberties, if you will only ensure my work is continued when I am gone. It will take everyone acting in unison to fix this rotten nation and restore the authority of our divinely inspired Constitution.

Every breath I take is a breath towards a prison cell, but also, I pray, towards a revolution. Heavenly Father, I ask that you bless this country, and all of its people. Even the feds. Amen.
Several people asked if I'd go see "The Hobbit" with them. I declined in a rather cruel fashion, and they wondered what exactly what is up my ass on this subject. Let me make this clear: what the beast has done to Tolkien's work is a wickedness unto which no punishment could possibly set right.

When I was a kid The Lord of the Rings was one of my formative influences. It is a distinctly European work with the echoes of Nordic wisdom pervading throughout. I got the same feeling reading it as I did when I first read the Eddas. I knew this work was something magical, and I treated it with the reverence it deserved.

The most rapturous part of my reading of the books as a child was at the end of the trilogy. In Tolkien's version, the hobbits of the fellowship return to the Shire only to see it taken over by a snide old wizard controlling a horde of half-orcs. The hobbits do the only sensible thing that one would do when finding ones hometown infested by section 8 housing full of parasitic thugs, rapists and murderers: start a pogrom. At this point in the story, the hobbits are level 99 badasses with legendary equipment and these mongrel half-orcs are level 5 newbie fodder. The battle scenes are obviously not on the same tier as the rest of the books, but imagining the return of spirit to a broken people filled my heart with more joy than anything I ever knew.

This part of the story gives the entire book meaning. The most important end to the struggle is the setting right of their own community. It is the best part of the story and I can't shake the feeling that its removal was an act of censorship. The visualization of a violent pogrom in the Shire was a little too much for Hollywood to release.

"The scouring of the shire isn't relevant to the central story, and the hero's journey doesn't need to contain all the elements of the traditional tale," a disbeliever in my critique may say.

Let me give you another example: The Tortoise and the Hare. I'm sure you were read it as a child. It always seemed to me to be an idiotic story to encourage people to slave away endlessly for a statistically impossible hope that they are somehow getting ahead.

When I finally read the real story, I knew hundreds of millions of children were being robbed.

Europe rose to power with children being read the Brothers Grimm classic, "The Hare and the Hedgehog." It is sort of like the story with the tortoise in that the hedgehog challenges the hare to a race. However, instead of simply working hard, the hedgehog outwits the hare. The hare dies in the race, and then the hedgehog goes and loots his house for gold and liquor. Also somewhere along the way the hedgehog keeps his wife in line. I'm not making this up.

Slowly, all the things we give children to teach them about the world have been abridged. Promethian flame is being replaced with politically corrected filth. Even the works where the fire is subtle like Tolkien are in the process of being whitewashed. The youth of my generation were raised with bright Fischer Price colors and rounded corners surrounding costumed animals that never said anything that could upset anyone. I look around at my peers and know that they are truly useless. It is no wonder that other nations are outpacing mine in innovation.

The West is being dumbed down into absolute idiocy. As in Huxley's Brave New World, this is a carefully engineered scheme that starts with our children. They want us to forget every echo of the blood that beats within our veins, until we can be systematically conquered and killed.

Nothing will make me forget the way that Keats' unfinished epic tastes as it rolls off my tongue into the ears of loved ones.

Nothing will make me forget the tears I have shed over Handel's arias.

Nothing will make me forget the glory of Bernini's greatest sculpture mocking the disfigurement of a rotten whore.

Nothing will make me forget the most precious thing that I hold within me: the soul of old Europe.

Throw me in a prison. Tell me that I'm inferior to the Big Mac guzzling, top 100 listening, network TV watching pieces of waste you dare to call citizens. Tell me how I do wrong by embracing the values of my forefathers instead of the garbage you shoved down my throat at public schools.

Nothing will make me forget that I am better than you people.

And finally, nothing will make me forget that the end of the Lord of the Rings, the snide, wizardly manipulators and mongrel half-orcs get sent packing from the good old Shire. I know that's how my story is going to end too.
635K 3:51
(no transcription available)

Current Location: noisebridge, sf, ca


I'm federally indicted. Because I told my attorney, the fabulous Tor Ekeland, that I would no longer make comments on the circumstances of the case, I will only quote something I've already said in this Youtube video:
"It was June of 2010-- there was a public AT&T webserver ... No password, no firewall. It was leaking the customer records of iPad 3G users. I ensured the delivery of a sample of this data to a journalist because I feel if a big company puts you at risk, you deserve to know about it."
Shortly afterwards, you awarded us (Goatse Security) a Crunchie. It touched my heart at a time of great strife and I'm very thankful for your support. Though you bestowed great kindness upon me once, I beg it of you once more.

TechCrunch Disrupt is coming up. For a conference of people enthused about disruptive technology, my case should strike fear into their hearts. AT&T has admitted that the webserver in question was a public one. USC 1030, the statute of "unauthorized access" that I am indicted under, hinges upon the term "unauthorized".

Unauthorized is completely undefined in the law. In fact, the only sense that it seems to exist in my case is that AT&T defined what they made publicly available after the fact as unauthorized. This means that any time you click a link or visit a web form, if at any time after you do so the web operator decides they just don't like you, you're a criminal. They then can have the FBI kick in your door and throw you in solitary (as happened to me). They can also sue you-- USC 1030 is a civil as well as criminal statute.

You're all technically criminals under the law if I decide that I didn't want you reading this.

Of course, I doubt I'd find a US Attorney to indict you. This is the underlying problem in America-- there are different sets of laws for different sets of people. A well-deserved funeral dirge is being composed for the old world, but they want to get rid of everyone that dare scribe a note of it. I've scribed too many notes, and it appears my time is up.

I'm not Kim Dotcom. Nobody paid me for what I'm indicted for. I don't have a mansion and hundreds of thousands of dollars to blow on PR, development of a new business and legal expenses. When the FBI kicked in my door, I lived at the top of a run-down house with no furniture or air conditioning in the same town I was born in-- Fayetteville, Arkansas. It had broken windows and was sweltering in the Southern heat. I am now living off of charity, because my bail conditions make it impossible to be successful in my field:
  • I am not allowed to touch computers unless I submit them to the federal government for the installation of monitoring software. Of course, I am a old Linuxbeard deliverability guy and they only have monitoring software for Microsoft Windows. Oh well.

  • My employment has to be "pre-approved" by the federal court, which generally means they intimidate until an offer is rescinded.
I was never very money-motivated. I do what I do because I enjoy making great art, not because it makes money. I'm perhaps the world's most notorious Internet troll, and yet my technology is perhaps far less disruptive than much of yours. I now know that if I had been a thief I'd likely never have been charged, and if I had I'd have been able to pay for a good defense.

I am a poor country boy from Arkansas. I was born into nothing, and I had hoped to die one day with just enough to get an Airstream trailer and a Holstein cow that sat in a distant corner of my dreams. After a solid decade of federal stalking and harassment, followed by solitary confinement and beatings I have now given up hope on that.

I'd only like one thing, if you could kindly oblige. Perhaps as an exchange for the public service I provided, or at least for the laughter and joy many garnered when all the world's media from NPR to Chinese television talked about Goatse for a week. A final humble request before the anti-Constitutional terrorists we ironically call law enforcement shove me into a prison cell like they so gleefully desire.

I'd like that Crunchie statue, and a ticket to TechCrunch Disrupt.

Henceforwards yours in humble and faithful servitude,
Andrew Escher Auernheimer
ex-Analyst for Goatse Security (I looked at gaping holes all day, every day)
575K 3:23
“We sit here threatened by tyrants both great and petty. They are plotting and scheming, a great beast of biblical proportions that would devour the world if gone unopposed.

Faced with the dissolution of everything we hold dear, we must become conspirators in a grand scheme: the ascent of man to perfection through the advancement of knowledge.

Our task is an ancient one, first accurately described in the poetic eddas of the pre-christianized norse. The norse had a god named loki, the greatest engineer of myth. Loki was the sole innovator of the norse gods. Mjolnir, the lightning-generating hammer of thor, was forged by loki. The flying ships of the norse gods-- designed by loki who subsequently outsourced their production to dwarves. In the first and greatest act of bio-hacking, loki birthed an eight-legged horse for odin, leader of the norse gods.

Then Odin's son, baldr, decided he was due the greatest hall, and greatest ships by no achievements and sole virtue of birth alone. Baldr was forcing the production of man without right and without due compensation. Loki was the sole opposition which gave baldr a thorough humbling.

The engineer is the first advocate of man. Bringer of light, to guide us to safety. Bringer of baptismal, promethean flame, to forge new ways of life. Agent of the Logos, to elevate reason above animal instinct.

The wicked of the world have built vast hegemonies through death, subjugation and theft. I say to you tonight, do not despair of this, because acts of cruelty cannot find collisions in hash algorithms. These men of paper backed lead projectiles will be supplanted as easily and quietly as instagram replaced kodak. 

So let us say a dinner prayer for us to fulfill our duties on earth---

Let us pray for the catalytic vapor phase deposition of carbon to output thousands of miles of nanotube. 
Let us pray for Thorium-232 to capture neutrons.
Let us pray for 10 terabit ethernet.
Let us sing the hymn of the body internetworked.

Because this is the way the old world ends:
with the soft tap of our keyboards
Because this is the way the old world ends 
with the silent shuffling of registers in an FPGA
Because this is the way the old world ends
not with a bang
but a whimper”

Transcribed by: weev
I've got great friends that relay me wonderful stories of their belligerent assertion of their rights in various stages of the transportation process. I admire their fortitude at being held in rooms for hours on end. They present very real testimony to me that something very wrong is happening in this nation that we should all be fighting very hard to reverse. Rather than get detained in belligerence, however, I find it much more satisfying to undermine the morale of the footsoldiers of tyranny. The best way to do this is the way that Christ taught: with love and truth.

I just walked through security at SFO. As usual, I opted out of the cancer-causing DNA-unraveling body scanners. It was exceptionally busy, and the made the usual spectacle of yelling "opt-out" and asking me if I was really sure that I didn't want to risk cancer for their convienence.

Guy in gloves walks up to me, and I began my pitch. I think it was most impactful this time because I just got ordained and was inspired by the power of the holy spirit (as well as in my Sunday best).

"I want you to know, I'm a Mormon, and I am obligated to treat you with love and respect."
"Well, thanks for that. Hold out your arms."
I hold out my arms and let him get to work. "As I must treat you like my brother I want to let you know that I opted out just to tell you something-- I need you to go home and Google 3 words."
"Oh yeah? What are those?" He moves to my torso.
"Boston TSA cancer."
"There's a statistically impossible cluster of cancer cases in TSA employees at the Boston airport. It won't be the first either. If you Google those words, you'll even find the TSA official response where the TSA is claiming that the cause isn't the body scanners. If it isn't the scanners, it must be something else, but they aren't letting the Boston TSA employees know. You work for a government agency that is letting its employees get cancer and won't tell them why."
"Are you serious?" His voice is waivering. He's forgotten to give directions. I widen my stance so he can grope at my legs.
"Dead serious. You see, I am opting out mostly so I can tell you this. I'm an engineer, and I do radiation safety as part of my profession. I could maybe even go through that scanner safely once or twice a year. If you could see in a different spectrum, this room would light up so bright you'd be blinded every time those machines go off. You get exposed thousands of times a day.You are not safe."
"Its no more radiation than you get in a single plane flight...." He mutters the mantra of safety that his handlers have taught him as he puts my swab in his explosives detection machine.
"Radiation isn't just how much, it is how fast. You know what would happen if you took a few days ambient radiation and exposed me to it in a fraction of a second? I'd be vaporized, that is what."
He is pale now.
"When you go home. Google 'Boston TSA cancer' and talk it over with your wife, your kids. I'm a priest at $WARD of $CHURCH if you'd like to discuss it with me more when I get back in a couple weeks. No job is worth a very real risk to your health. I've had good friends get cancer."
The explosives detection machine beeps. "You're good to go. Grab your stuff."
"Remember, Boston TSA cancer."
"Boston TSA cancer," he repeats it back to me. I see him pull out his iPhone as I walk away.

That, my friends, is an elevator pitch for liberty.
445K 2:47

Transcribed by: auntiesiannan
532K 3:15
(no transcription available)

I am taking requests for spoken word performances of your preferred pieces of poetry or song lyrics.
Cory Doctorow gave a great speech at #28c3 called "The coming war upon general purpose computation" about all the various ways that the establishment is going to fear computers and continually attempt to abridge our freedoms. It is both well-spoken and rousing and I recommend you take a few minutes out of your day to watch it. Doctorow made some very salient arguments for the coming dangers to cognitive and computational freedom from other industries outside entertainment spanning everything from RF to agriculture. Everything he says about the coming establishment threats to your freedom is spot-on.

There's one statement he makes that leads him to a much rosier view than reality, and one which I think distorts the view of the future battlefield. If you take Doctorow's speech at face value you will believe that the battlefield is a bureaucratic one. It isn't. It is going to be a development race, and most of the people that should be running for their lives don't even realize that the starting gun has been fired.

Doctorow makes the statement that we don't know how to make a computer that will run only approved programs. This, sadly, is not even remotely true. These computers have been developed in quasi-secrecy, at great taxpayer expense.

Ever taken a look at the XTS series? The operating system, STOP, has the security subsystem in ring 0 and the kernel in a lower priv'd ring. This was far before the NX bit, which having an external security subsystem be in charge of these days could be catastrophic for programmers' freedom.... Most programs run on STOP systems were compiled for other platforms, but STOP offered a semblance of binary compatibility by having foreign binaries sandboxed in highly restrictive virtual machines. As you can imagine, this pretty much eliminated the malloc funny business. This all funded by the NSA's TPEP/TCB.

And this was the fucking nineties! This was etymology of the term "trusted computing", sourced of the military and intelligence complexes. Microsoft just used the term to conjure the proper images within heads of those in the know.

In addition to the continued development of OS-layer user subversion, there's been a number of additional developments since then that have been similarly funded by the US government at incomprehensible taxpayer expense. Is it possible to have a single processor expose different instruction sets to different hardware channels, thus offering the application developer a computer a crippled processor architecture that lacks the control over memory addressing which is fully accessible to a coprocessor that controls software and hardware signing? You betcha. If you've done any reasonable EE work you can start to visualize it in your head. This is real. Hell, would most developers notice if the processor architecture changed transparently to mechanisms of managed code? What percentage of software developers actually even understand pointers anymore? I'd bet the pie chart of the great mass that doesn't versus the tiny sliver that still does is beginning to look like the distribution of assets and income amongst US citizens. These days if someone knows JavaScript, Ruby and MongoDB they dare give themselves titles like "programmer" and "hacker".

These subversions of computing have been designed, implemented, and mass-produced for the government, perfected over the course of 3 decades and ready for real commercial deployment. Every commercial OS vendor has an application signing process in place, there just needs to be a couple generations of new hardware with the stuff packaged in.

The technology to turn computers into objects of oppression already exist. So why aren't they implemented yet? The reasons are social. Imagine if you told every developer on earth that they had to use hilariously bad new APIs and syscalls that crippled performance, abstracted them away from their ability to write completely in languages they were familiar with and added precious weeks or months until shipment date. There'd be a universal revolt! No developer on earth would write anything for that platform.

If I were an oppressive state machine, I'd drop this bomb in 6 steps:
  1. Start getting people used to devices that they think of first as things less than a computer and more of another sort of device first. Perhaps consumers could be coaxed to think of their computers as devices of more limited scope, like phones. Have people shed local storage for that in some wispy aether on the Internet. Make these devices exceptionally hip and well-advertised to encourage their widespread adoption.
  2. Get developers producing software that's dependent upon an oligopoly of digital distribution points for sales. Make them beg for keys to the distribution channels, and begin subject them to approval processes to sell applications.
  3. Progressively raise the cost of general purpose machines until number of people buying them (engineers, developers) is small enough to keep to a 'potential subversives' list. "Why do you need one of those fancy computers, son? The $TABLET lets you keep in touch with grandma via Facebook just fine!"
  4. Implement subverting technology on the "general-purpose" machines but only make them spy on their users for now, executable blacklists to be activated on a timer at a future cut-off date.
  5. Wait a little bit for the shoddily made modern computer parts with their planned obsolescence to fail. I know people with hard drives from the eighties that still spin. Do you think modern components actually need to be as unreliable as they are? After this nobody can buy non-free hardware.
  6. Flip the damn switch! Now everybody is stuck on approved distribution mechanisms.

This dystopian vision is true in the epistemological sense, and the most probable future scenario. Somebody with an unfathomable amount of wealth has already begun to execute this process. If you think this isn't going to happen you are naive. Let me tell you this: Stallman, despite eating his own filthy toe jam in public is right about everything he's ever said. As jesuitx once said, Stallman is a modern-day Ezekiel (another filthy slob that couldn't keep a decent living arrangement), and everything he's ever said has turned out to be prophetically, nightmarishly true. If you are dependent upon an external party for your NIC or your CPU or your GPU, your very liberty and life are going to be threatened. Any piece of computing architecture that cannot be commonly replaced with a free (as in freedom) version will be used by imperialists furthering their own hegemonies. The community needs to make free hardware versions of these things within the next ten years, because it will be far more difficult to bootstrap these things when we are locked out of the modern computing landscape.

Those who trade liberty for the slickest UI/UX will have neither.
Praise the Lord, I'm going primetime! WFMU/WXHD will be playing my Christian spoken word art next Wednesday, the 7th from 7-8pm. That's 6 days from now!

There are working shoutcast/flash/asx/realmedia streams of varying bitrates at Tell your friends and moms!

If you use that abomination in the eyes of the Lord known as "Twitter" you can tweet at me during the show: @rabite.

If you missed my show on the 20th, you can listen to the sermon on birth control here. I appreciate the dozens of you who tuned into the last show despite it being at absurd hours. I hope to have a lot more of you tuning in now that I am not at some sort of crackhead hour. There were a fair number of complaints from the station regulars about the last show, but I guess that's what happens when you tell the truth of the Lord to liberal ears!

If you enjoy the continuing production of gospel please consider donating to my defense fund.

In other news, thanks to the donations of tickets from a wonderful woman who works with the Met, I got to see Handel's Rodelinda Saturday night. I am a huge opera fan. Baroque opera is a breath of fresh air in a world where culture has decayed into degenerate garbage that I can't believe anyone at all can even stomach. I have been to so many operas I cannot remember them all, and many at the Met. Rodelina was by far the best opera I have ever attended. Much has been written about the Renee Fleming's performance (who is my second favorite soprano after Bartoli), but she was far outshined by the countertenor Andreas Scholl playing Bertarido. He stole the show, and is the single best countertenor I have ever heard live. His performance of "Dove sei, Amato bene?" made me weep.

It was not only a spectactular performance, but it was highly relevant in my life. Rodelinda is the story of the undying love of two people who have been torn apart by tyranny. I currently am kept from the one I love due to my current situation, and dove sei is a mournful aria about Bertarido's inability to see his love, Rodelinda, due to the tyrant which keeps them apart. It hit home. I miss my true love, and I know her discomfort with the situation is equal to mine. Ours is certainly a timeless, fairy-tale love of two from different and opposing worlds that echoes great literature and moments of history. It fits with my movie-esque life story for sure.

The met is bringing this performance of Rodelinda to theatres nationwide (and in Canada!) December 3rd. If you don't have plans on December 3rd, please for the love of all that is holy find a theatre near you that is playing it from the PDF on the Met website. Even my sleepy birthplace of Fayetteville, AR (pop: ~73,000) has a theatre carrying it so the vast majority of you will be able to watch it. Go see it, seriously.
Sunday morning I'll be on WFMU-FM 91.1 Jersey City/NYC and 90.1 Hudson Valley from 3-6AM EST. That's starting about 25 hours from now.

There are working shoutcast/flash/asx/realmedia streams of varying bitrates. Tell your friends and moms!

If you use that abomination in the eyes of the Lord known as "Twitter" you can tweet at me during the show: @rabite.

This is sort of a training demo thing. I'll be getting a weeknight primetime-ish slot within a very short period. But I'm still going to have a lot of fun with this Sunday morning slot, which will allow me to bring the gospel of my Lord, Jesus Christ, to the many radio listeners in the New York City area. There are probably a lot of people out there listening at such an hour who need to receive the gospel.

Topics of discussion will include the urgent need to destroy the evils of birth control and abortion, how totally awesome the death penalty is, how sodomy undoubtedly sends someone straight to burning in hell, how an international cabal of Mammonites runs the financial system/defames christ/rapes children, and how, with all due respect to other creeds, Christ is the only one that can actually get you to paradise. Being a non-profit, listener-supported radio station, WFMU has an extremely liberal listener base spanning multiple continents and timezones and I'm sure they very urgently need this gospel. I can't wait to engage some of them in debate!

I will also be showcasing tunes from the Christian Identity movement and a small baptist church from Kansas.

If you would like to see more gospel please consider a donation to my legal defense fund.

Find peace in Christ, brothers and sisters!
I for one am disgusted that Wikileaks would dare to tweet about rumors that Steve Jobs has HIV mere hours after the announcement of his death.

I am currently being federally indicted for real, honest-to-god whistleblowing. A corporation exposed data to the public and I informed the public exactly how they were put at risk. Did I stick people's data up on a wiki? No. Did I invade anyone's personal privacy? No. I just did my best to inform people what risks they were exposed to so they could make personal decisions on how they could mitigate that risk.

Assange and his cabal of goons are sitting here dancing gleefully on a man's grave, making jokes about if he had AIDS or not. They claim to be whistleblowers, but they're really just attention whores. As a result, Assange awaits trial in a mansion with all the legal assistance he wants while I await it in an SRO and don't have the resources necessary to mount a legal defense.

Fuck wikileaks.
Needed by the freeweev movement:
* Web application developers
* Copywriters/copyediters
* Artists
* Anybody that can write emails and make phonecalls
* Anybody with publishing industry contacts

Comments screened. Leave one if you're down to help me fundraise/make some great art.

listening to: Pogoexpress - Meine Liebe

Due to the limitations on my computer use (I can only touch one computermachine in the world) I need an audio production assistant. Responsibilities will include hitting a record button and basic audio editing. You will help prepare broadcasts to be heard by millions of listeners. I will let you co-host, if you so desire.

This is in Jersey City, maybe once a week for an hour or two max. Adobe Audition, Amiga, Logic, Ableton Live or previous radio experience a plus.
Share t-shirt mockup
kilorad t-shirts
thanks to darkcube for having these printed up for contributors!
Well now! It seems from the comments on my last post (largely consisting of "where are you" and "where did you go" it seems that most of you do not follow the news. Which I can understand because the news is generally garbage. In case you were unaware, I got federally indicted. I was actually sending out posts from the joint (I did 40 days, quite biblical, and was released on February 28th and am now awaiting trial), but unfortunately the person I trusted to update my LJ turned out to be horribly untrustworthy in a whole array of ways. They flaked and never updated this so ya'll never saw what I was saying or my predicament. I've backdated the two major emails I wrote from Federal prison so they won't flood ur f-lists:
Up until a couple days ago my bail conditions prohibited me using the internet for basically anything, but now I can solicit donations for my legal defense fund going on at Please spread the word about it. It turns out defending yourself from the federal government takes a six figure sum of cash and they already stole everything I had. I am available for hire for copywriting/unix sysad/c perl and bash/deliverability/viral marketing consulting/welding/whatever if you know of anyone hiring in the NYC/North Jersey area or anything I can work remotely. I am going to trial. Wish me luck, and please send cash. I am facing a decade in prison if I don't get funds for a good legal defense.

I guess I should talk about life out on bail for a sec. I am broke as fuck but having a good time. There are a few pieces of ONTD fodder that have happened since I got out in February:
  • I met Karen Gillian (Amy from Doctor Who) on the rooftop bar at The Standard hotel in the packing district of Manhattan. We were the only people really dancing in the discoteque and when I see her up top on the roof she says in a heavy Scottish accent "always great to meet a fellow rocker". We get to talking and I tell her about my pending federal computer crime indictment. We end up in a long conversation about astrophysics and how the double-slit experiment is proof of a divine creator and she drags me to Hogs and Heifers and buys me shots of tequila. Thanks, Karen. I needed the sauce. I had never seen an episode of the new Doctor Who series but I have since seen Demon's Run and Let's Kill Hitler. It is some of the best television ever. Why did nobody tell me it was so great (besides this_is_not_art's hubby)?
  • Wyatt Cenac from the Daily Show and I were on the same radio show. I shook hands with him! I think he is the best Daily Show correspondent currently on the show. Rob Riggle however is still the funniest of all time.
  • Something about DSK. I was deliberately misquoted on the issue. They said I said "I dont want to say they trapped him, but it seems like there is more to the story". Among many other things presented by the journalist, this is not true. I said that "he didn't rape anyone" and it was "blatantly obvious Sarkozy set him up". Which turned out to be more or less the case, but the press at the time was trying to crucify Strauss-Khan. I thought the article in question was generally funny so I liked it but it just goes to show that media people always write what they want to write regardless of the truth. I was honored for the chance to defend Dominique when everyone else was slandering him. He could be one of the 144,000 blessed Jews written of in Revelations. I hope he becomes the President of France.
It is 9/11 and I live in the NYC area now, so it is kind of a big deal. I pray for all the Americans murdered during that historic tragedy and their families. Death would be too kind of an ending for those who were truly responsible for that great crime. I hope one day those involved are fully brought to justice.

For the time being, because I am heaven sent I am drived to a dive of low lives and low rent. I am in a sorta crappy condition objectively but my spirits are high and there is just so much to relay about my life as of late as of late that I don't even know how. I may not post anything else after this but just know that I love ya'll. 

Oh, and if anyone has like, a spare smartphone plz hook it up.

gettin on the cross
gettin on the cross
lol thanks to some germanic hottie. i like how she perfectly captured the asymmetry of my nose. the beard is a little poofier than mine though. i think its signed "die gedanken sind frei" whatever that means <3iez, thank you

All this talk of sidereal in the mainstream media. I have been into the Jyotish forever. Ptolemy was spot-on but he missed precession. Anyways, this is something my birth chart said a while ago and it lols me:
Effect of Sun in your birth chart

You will be hard working and sincere and make wealth through own efforts. You will have capacity for organizing big events and things. You will do well in publicity too. You will earn good name and fame and will engage in charitable work. You will be religious and honest. On the negative side you will be too stubborn and rude in speech. You will not have a calming look on your face. Your facial expression will make your speech appear even more hurting. However the basic trend of your speech will be intelligent, bright and meaningful. You may face a risk to your life and limbs during your 25th year.
It even knows the year of my peril. Just gotta make it through. Keep on truckin!
Recently, got seriously hacked by some group calling themselves Gnosis. I saw no small number of media sources implying they deserved it for covering the AT&T information disclosure by Goatse Security. I feel there's a gigantic difference between these two events that needs to be discussed.

Gawker is a media source with a gigantic amount of integrity. Once upon a time, there was a Valleywag story (this was back when Valleywag was a separate website) that wasn't posted on Gawker mainpage. When it was found that incorrect information was contained within a story, they printed the correction on, and it was longer and more prevalently featured than the original story:

This event really stuck with me. Afterwards, I considered Gawker one of the media sources with utmost integrity. When the NYT makes a mistake on the frontpage the correction is in tiny print on page C30. Gawker held itself accountable to a level which few sources do, and I have to respect that. When they do wrong, they apologize.

What Goatse Security did was thought out to multiple degrees:
* The data we gathered was not disclosed publicly (only to Ryan Tate), we wanted to LIMIT the public's exposure to risk, not add to it. I believe we were successful at pursuing that goal.
* When a reporter (I forget whom) asked me if AT&T customers should replace their SIM cards, I answered negatively, as I did not feel that AT&T needed to have a bunch of paranoid customers demanding a new SIM. I felt, however, it was appropriate for some iPad owners (military, government and corporate leadership) to be able to be made aware of the issue that their iPad could be geolocated or have traffic intercepted. I thought that it was fair that the public know that if they did not check their email associated with the iPad ICC-ID, they could not be coaxed into clicking a malicious PDF link that could have allowed an attacker to takeover their iPad. Issues like this are important for people to be able to mitigate.
* I don't know. I said some inappropriate things about AT&T and the iPad, but that was only after AT&T called us malicious (which I did not feel was fair to us). I was defensive and ran my mouth a little too freely in response. I regret that. The comments these kids made in their readme file were straightforwardly mean from the very beginning.

Were some comments at Gawker ill advised and perhaps invited attack? Yes. I have made a lot of ill advised statements myself in the past, and cannot possibly throw a stone at them for that. The fact remains, Gawker is a cool bunch of people and one of the few journalist outlets which truly make a good effort to be fair and still get the bleeding edge of stories. They are a valuable resource to society, and I give them props for that.

The public disclosure of Gawker user emails and passwords is wrong. I feel really bad for them. The people who did this crossed a line into maliciousness that makes me sad. It is terrible, and I feel that they should come forward and apologize.
Wikileaks: Texas Company Helped Pimp Little Boys to Stoned Afghan Cops
Many of DynCorp's employees are ex-Green Berets and veterans of other elite units, and the company was commissioned by the US government to provide training for the Afghani police. According to most reports, over 95 percent of its $2 billion annual revenue comes from US taxpayers.

And in Kunduz province, according to the leaked cable, that money was flowing to drug dealers and pimps. Pimps of children, to be more precise. (The exact type of drug was never specified.)

Since this is Afghanistan, you probably already knew this wasn't a kegger. Instead, this DynCorp soiree was a bacha bazi ("boy-play") party. Bacha bazi is a pre-Islamic Afghan tradition that was banned by the Taliban. Bacha boys are eight- to 15-years-old. They put on make-up, tie bells to their feet and slip into scanty women's clothing, and then, to the whine of a harmonium and wailing vocals, they dance seductively to smoky roomfuls of leering older men.

After the show is over, their services are auctioned off to the highest bidder, who will sometimes purchase a boy outright. And by services, we mean anal sex.
Notice how much better and more moral things were under the Taliban. Everywhere American Imperialism goes, it fosters rot and social decay.

Wikileaks: Vatican "offended" by Ireland Sex Abuse Inquiry
Newly released U.S. diplomatic cables indicate that the Vatican felt "offended" that Ireland failed to respect Holy See "sovereignty" by asking high-ranking churchmen to answer questions from an Irish government commission probing decades of sex abuse of minors by clergy.
Fucking kidfuckers.
The U.S. ambassador to the Holy See also condemned the leaks and said in a statement that the Vatican and America cooperate in promoting universal values.
At least he's being somewhat honest there... but I don't particularly find kidfucking a value I find universal.

Degenerates. Someone unload a stream of lead on these motherfuckers already.

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And if you speak about the evil that the government does
The Patriot Act'll track you to the type of your blood
They try to frame you, and say you was tryna sell drugs
And throw a federal indictment on niggaz to show you love

Give me revolution, or give me death!
I long for solutions, I won't die like the rest!
This world of delusions I will protest!

Who wants to bow to a lifeless, cold Jesus
That all of the preachers have painted their way?
They hold their revivals, yet worship their idols
Serve God in title but to mammon they slave.
But the Jesus that I know stood up to rival
And calls His disciples to come do the same.

The lion has risen and will take by surprise!
Howdy Lee,

Originally, I was outraged by your prosecutorial efforts against me and my associates, and extremely shaken up due to the unjust search of my home, in multiple violations of the Fourth amendment. I believe that the emotional stress caused by my multiple-day solitary confinement without cause, and the accumulated effect of previous harassment by the government lead me to treat you less respectfully than I should have. However, recently I was at the law library, my usual resource for ethical guidance, and I started reading Thomas Paine. There, I experienced a revelation as to how to best proceed in dealing with your actions.

“He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.”
- Thomas Paine, Dissertation on First Principles of Government

I’m writing to help clarify the situation in which we continue to find ourselves. It appears, despite the obvious facts surrounding the events, that you are continuing to attempt my legal prosecution. While information security experts worldwide (many of whom your department hire as expert witnesses), law analysis groups, consumer affairs groups and lay citizens continue to support me, you still investigate me for some alleged obscure criminal act. While I generally support your mission, Lee, I think you’re being lead astray by a desire for professional distinction.

I am sure that you are probably under great pressure to produce something, as evidenced by your use of quasi-legal means such as your questionable search warrant, the ensuing negative publicity for your office and name, and the growing number of people asking why you are doing this. These influences upon your judgments are of no matter; ultimately, you will be held accountable to the people for your actions. I’m sure that the strain is beginning to take a toll on your personal and professional relationships, and as I am, and always have been, a supporter of the United States’ government, I’d like to offer some friendly advice before irreparable damages from your errors spread to other aspects of the Department of Justice.

Here are the options available to you, and my advice for each:

1. Continue holding Grand Jury sessions and force an indictment.
I can in no way advise this as it will harm your professional reputation and force the Department of Justice to engage in the manufacture of evidence. Social responsibility has always been at the core of everything we do at Goatse Security, and this will be extraordinarily obvious at a trial. Goatse has done large amounts of documented work in project areas such as combating safe havens for pedophiles worldwide, protecting US infrastructure, and keeping US citizens safe from Russian and Chinese organized crime. The DoJ has also pursued these projects, quite well at times, but we should work together for a common goal instead of fighting for territory, and wasting our fiscal and legal resources. At Goatse, we do not have a large advertising budget like the DoJ and FBI; our publicity comes from citizen recognition of national stewardship and skillful work. I hope that you don’t see this as competition to your own great work in the area, but allow me to communicate that I believe that we could both do better

2. Stop this investigation.
Given the vulnerable position the DoJ is in as a result of your actions, you may be required to resign. I am very sorry for this prospect, but there are many great opportunities available for you in the private sector, and just because you will not be employed by the people at large does not mean that you will not be able to help make the country a better, safer and healthier place for us all to enjoy. We at Goatse give back, with daily volunteer work, which we are able to accomplish in our free time due to the gains we make by working in the private sector. We find this the most healthful and heartiest form of patriotism, as it not only allows total agency and freedom of choice, so that citizens can give in the ways they are most capable, but also minimizes bureaucratic costs we all bear as brothers and sisters in this great nation.

3. Publicly accept assistance from Goatse Security.
While the smear campaign your agency has launched against Goatse and myself personally may make this difficult, I’m sure that fully disclosing the rationale behind it would secure the public’s forgiveness and understanding for you and the DoJ. Lest it go unsaid, a friendly hand extended in partnership would earn Goatse’s respect and forgiveness as well. As always, we are more then happy to work with you hand in hand for a stronger country. If you are unable to do this for political reasons, we understand but we would not want you to dishonor your family or the legal education they’ve helped you attain by making choices which are wrong. AT&T needs to be held accountable for their insecure infrastructure as a public utility and we must defend the rights of consumers over the rights of shareholders.

I pray for you, Lee. I pray for you to see wisdom in your actions, and pray for you to be guided towards righteousness. I advise you to discuss this matter with your family, your friends, victims of crimes you have prosecuted and your teachers, for they are the people who would have been harmed had AT&T been allowed to silently bury their negligent endangerment of United States infrastructure.

Hugs and Courage To You,
Andrew (great comments in here)

we'll be winning that war on AIDS any day now

To whomever was trollin ZDnet: Sorry for poppin your troll and getting your article pulled. It would have been a great headline and could have definitely gone viral. Don't attach my name to your shit. I do not want to dilute my brand with false claims, association with 4chan or notions of criminal activity. I would have given you some tips on spinning if you'd have talked to me about it.

Seriously, I did not feel good about this, but I sorta had no other option. Talk to me before you drop my name to reporters on a story in the future. =[

to mourn mandelbrot's death, i learned to knit. i have a partially finished scarf now. i will finish it later and take a jpeg.

OMG. our work was mentioned more than once in Samy Kamkar's Blackhat/Defcon presentation!!!

Here's the First part of the presentation:

If you just want to see the section that mentions us (not recommended, because the whole presentation is very good!), skip to video 2/4, at 14:26. It bleeds into the 3rd video. He outlines all our XPS-related work. Samy is one of those researchers I hold in super high regard, and it is an honor that he mentions us. OMG.
Some infosec zen, courtesy of Dr. Dre:
Somebody actually hacked into our emails, so that made our red flags go up. We’re in a new age and that’s a sign: Wake up motherfucker. You have to be more careful with your shit. That’s all there is to it. I know what’s up now.
Squid is an extremely amazing piece of caching proxy software. I know some of you people like Varnish, but you seem to be accepting extremely irritating constraints on practical maintenance in return for 1.5% of extra performance at best. Personally, if you are so frustrated with Squid that you have to kowtow to Norwegian aspies you have done something wrong in your process of configuring Squid. On anything 10gigE or less I consistently see bandwidth at peak far before Squid runs out of CPU.

Part of the reason people bounce back and forth between various caching solutions is that there is no easy documentation of how to do what most of the dissatisfied people wish to do with Squid: not give all of your money to Akamai. So if you have a shitton of UGC and have acquired some cheap unlimited dedi to offload the majority of your UGC bandwidth usage to, this is for you. An idiot can even do this, and you will be able to afford your bandwidth bills even as your website goes into the Alexa top 1000 range. If you control one of the websites I love, please make sure they keep running in the event of my temporary or extended absence. 

nerd shitCollapse )
"The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), a division of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), spent $823,200 of economic stimulus funds in 2009 on a study by a UCLA research team to teach uncircumcised African men how to wash their genitals after having sex.",

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If you would like to get me a present please assist in my legal defense against tyranny. Please paypal to
Thank you.

happy birthday 2 me
/whois weev
Andrew Auernheimer
User: weev
Name: Andrew Auernheimer
Website: TRO LLC
Back November 2014
release notes